Thursday, June 30

In my more delusional times, I wonder how, or rather, why you can just go or chummy with whoever happens to come round. In my more critical times I think you're a shithead, but mostly. I feel irrationally disappointed. Then again, I was on the fast track in my education on the superficialities of life and as Teckhao would say, it nothing to fuss over. Soon, soon.
Sometimes I find it hard to draw the line when you could but wouldn't and when you would but couldn't.
I don't think I've ever seen such a radical change in someone. I'm unsure what to make of it, but I'm so so so glad he's here (:

Wednesday, June 29

你让我相信有命中注定，雨过了之后会有彩虹 ((:

Tuesday, June 28

Why do people pray to gods they don't believe in?
In all sincerity, I cannot wait to see Tan Teckhao :D

Sunday, June 26

There is nothing flaunt worthy about rugby being a high-er risk sport. Wanna play suck it up.
我了解离开树的叶/ 属于地上的世界/ 凋谢

Thursday, June 23

The first thing I'm going to do when i get back is to check my feet in for the longest and most extensive foot spa (and then meet Hazel darling Leong for lunch; don't worry, I won't forget haha) because they have more than earned it. I walk for about 8 hrs a day average and I am limping now because my heels are fighting and losing the good fight. Maybe I'm too geh kiang with my slippers but my shoes are crap too anyways. Ah wells, I tell myself and my feet it'll all be good after a good nights rest. See you in (real) Madrid! (:

Wednesday, June 22

I wish I could tie you up in my shoes,

Monday, June 20

就算可以
just wasn't important enough.
If you climb a mountain and you turn around/ if you see my reflections in the snow covered hills/ well, a landslide brought me down.
Pisylvia and bbe (cause I know you kaypoh will read and you prolly know everything Sylvia told me), thanks for the long email. I might reply tomorrow in the park, while eating my pork burger (today sold out I really almost cried). I will try, soonest possible. Thanks for keeping it real with some updates of life back home and much needed bitching. I'm really envious that there's so much going on back home and I keep wondering if I had known, would I have came anyways. No answer yet, I miss you girls anyhow. Love, van

Sunday, June 19

I feel like talking about my 3 scars of epiphany : 1) the small faint scar in between my brows from getting hit my a mahjong tile will remind me forever not to ever assume I am beyond stupidity. 2) a small brown scar on my forearm that I got scratching myself while trying and failing to catch a high ball. How that turned into a scar is beyond me but maybe it serves as a good reminder how being afraid just hurts me more than if I actually went ahead anyway. 3) the cyst on my tummy ( that is SO getting rounder by the day) showed me who are the people who really care and how my body is capable of so much more than I give it credit for. I actually like scars and can quote you several brillant quotes about them.
I don't know if you've experienced the feeling of impending loss and hence begin to start treasuring every bit that is left, making the biggest effort to commit everything to memory instead breaking your fingers trying to hold on. This has happened to me only twice i think.
I spend as much time reflecting as I do living.
This is a rather heavy question to be contemplating considering I just woke up 25mins ago and am still lying in bed listing to the snores of my friends, but I've always wondered if there's anything worth dying, as opposed to living, for. Also wondered why one would spread one's dreams beneath another's feet.
Love-hate, real or fake?

Wednesday, June 15

The question shouldn't be what do people know or don't know, what do people want to know or even how do people know. The question should be how could people have not known. It applies in the case of the mass extermination of Jews as well as in many other instances. Then again, 'ignorance' is bliss.

Tuesday, June 14

For some illogical reason yesterday I followed my new 36 year old roommate/ friend to a sports bar in the middle of the night where we talked about life and his cats. But it started to creep me out a little so why is it that today he thinks we're going out together?
So there I was having an after8 gelato after my first hearty dinner in 4 days, standing in the cold and thinking to myself how pleasant this is just roaming the streets and doing and worrying about absolutely nothing when suddenly I spotted a hair in the ice cream. :/ oh well at least it meant they weren't lying when they said "hand-made". Life has a way of showing you things exactly when you've let all your guard down.
I love love love por and qiu who loves me so and always keep me safe in this crazy world even if it's a world so far away from home. And then there's Kaihui who skyped me for 2 hours at 4am in the morning just cause I missed home. Also, if I had 1 wish right now, I wish that my family was here. Not to be greedy, but if I had another wish (buy 1 get 1 free right?) I would like some katong laksa with teh ping. (:

Friday, June 10

I spent the stolen morning walking down the streets of Brussels with no map, no wallet (unintentional again) when nothing was open listen to Christmas songs and Taylor swift. 1) I miss my funny bunnies, 2) I am so made for this alone 吹吹冷风 business. Well okay maybe not cause this is the exact kind of 牵手 weather to cuddle and cling to someone but I do just fine, my car, my guitar.
Dont worry, I know I don't know you anymore. (if I even did in the very first place) #iwtfy.

Thursday, June 9

I'm missing home,/ and I'm glad you're not a part of me,/ theres a part of me that will be missed.

Saturday, June 4

I ran out of places and friendly faces because, I had to be free.

Funny how Yilin remembered this was exactly the way I behaved the night before exchange, funny how the rediscoved texts and numbers stored in my sim card has lost all the sweetness that I saved and replaced the warm fuzzy feeling with an simplistic, empty loss.

But I couldnt be more blessed if I asked for it. And its not just about the money (money, money). My dad told me to bring shoes because the road in Europe is not as smooth and I will surely stub my toes there (I managed to fly over a row of chairs at church that day so I suspect hes absolutely right). My mum has been busy trying to sew my shorts (which I keep trying to decline since I intend to throw them eventually).

Then theres all the delightful friends although delightful is such a chirpy word. I probably packed too much in this week flying from one expensive lunch to another (and hence the pounds pun intended are going to show) and I'm working on pure adredeline, nerves and a hiro chocolate cake. I am intensely grateful for some people whom I consider to have kept, and will keep me safe from this crazy world. And its really the unexpected texts, and phonecalls and stuff that is really such a genuine surprise.

I've actually asked 2 people to send me off tomorrow. Which is rare because I hate send offs- the whole awkwards when do I say bye, am I neglecting this person for another and the kanchiong parents hovering wildly. But this trip, I'm honestly scared. I've travelled alone in the states, but that was sort of different- I was working on kind of recklessness and rebelliousness and in the knowledge that some one was always at the other end of the line. So I would love to have my Por and Qiu there (but understandably, 8 am is too much to ask from her I dont think anyone understands it as much as me dont worry) but I've been surprised by some people offering to come the idea that you actually considered waking up at 7 to come see me off is really enough. No one really actually has to do it. (Except Por because if you dont come I really will cry). Thanks loves.

I will probably miss a few stops, and get myself in a few spots (I just found out 1 hr ago one of my flight is going out from Lisbon not Porta and I've booked hostels and all already urgh (thank goodness for the concept of deposit). But anyway, it is my matra that not all who wander are lost so hopefully my anal need for organization (yes I actually have one. organization isnt a synonyms of neatness) will take a backseat. I am also giving up my spot in the Los San Fermines Festival (where bulls will chase people down streets) because I received a calling from God (or the sane part of my brain) that this would completely fall in the catogory of 傻事.

Actually I would term this spiritual trip as a (very expensive) mission to rediscover the simplest of smiles. I will buy myself a copy of Eat, pray, love at the airport just because its completely intune with my train of thoughts. I pad myself with so much protection and 'love' but at the heart of it all, I feel like I need to walk some roads alone.

So I've brought my diary with which I'll share my observations with the world, and if I need a dialogue it'll be on this page and if I just need to show off what a great time I'm having it'll be on tumblr. Goodbye for now (I suspect wifi shouldnt be too scarce a commodity, don't know why I'm acting like I'm about to go into hiding). And I always feel like I should tell people I love them before I (or if its them) board a plan. Its quite morbid if you think about it, but here it goes:

Labels: holiday, love you

Friday, June 3

Would you ask a question you know the answer to?

Thursday, June 2

I've got us both covered :)
I would like to remember today for the longest time possible: the neon-pink-calvin-klein-bikini-cut-leopard-print-panties, the moment of finally letting something thats dying to come out come out, the moment of harsh, virgoistic truth, the baby elephan-ess, the best soufflé there ever was and the knowledge that I go in love.

I tend to catch myself before I hit the ground, but maybe this time, for the first and last time, I need to let go just to see if you'll be the waterwings that save me if I start drowning, in an open tab when my judgement's on the brink.

She got it right when she said "If the challenge is not worth the reward, why go through with it?"

Labels: love you

Wednesday, June 1

"Careful while walking!slippery,maybe flooded.Aunty Van will need some aid hA,xXxX" heheehee okay too sweet (:

roses are red

阳光总在风雨后
请相信有彩虹

♥

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