I'm not sure if it's just me, but sometimes I say the stupidest of thing and I realize how stupid they make me sound only after it's too late. Then that incident will haunt me for a good few years and everytime it comes to mind I just feel completely and utterly disgusted with myself. I don't think I'm the only one who says stupid things- but to realize it and get bugged by it it's another level altogether and it annoys the hell out of me. No wonder they say blissful are the ignorant. Haha that came out all haughty I'm sorry. I'm just contemplating the thought that maybe being completely stupid has it's perks over being half-stupid.
Hmm on another note I think my mum has been busying herself with my moving back to hall and I feel like such an inadequet daughter because really, I would be nothing without her. When I grow up, I wanna be just like her.
That said, I can completely understand why people cheat (emotionally/sexually) outside of their relationship- theres always the promise of a thrill, of something more. Human I guess, and with everything human, flawed.
I used to stand by the "if you love me then I should be everyone you want to be with". I now realize how idealistic that is. But who said anything about the idealistic being the impossible? I'll walk away from 278 and risk being single (with a rabbit) forever if that gives me a chance to find the one.
When the oceans rise and thunders roar I will soar with You above the storm Father you are King over the flood I will be still and know You are God
I dont say grace as properly as I should and I dont stay awake in church either, but "going to church doesnt make you a believer anymore thant going into Mcdonalds makes you a BigMac" (Prince, 2010). I know I'm blessed in so many ways I haven realized yet. (:
And no I'm not saying this just because my Gen Bio exams is coming up in 3 days and I am completely on a clean slate.
I'm gonna miss PT at CCAB not because I will miss PT (actually maybe since it kindda made me slightly faster) but cause it was fun to grumble and stumble with the girls but making it through stronger. (:
Mamihlapinatapei : 7/27/2010 12:33:00 AM |
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Monday, July 26
I had the perfect Sunday yesterday, save for the 4hour sleep part. I went to my Grannys, had lunch and took a nap. I went to town and went shopping with the family. I met Keith, Arvin, Pui and Sam. I went to church. I met Qiaozhi, my treasure from Eusoff. I met Shengwei. I came home to a nice email from Tiff showing how some people can be so helpful so randomly. Its always delightful when all the small things come together to make the simplest of days sparkle.
I'm bursting with happiness I think i shall store all these happy thoughts in a bottle and use them for the next 4 days when I'm busying myself with DNA structures and scientific name for chicken rice.
I already have a fisheye2 and am targeting a fisheye lens for my Nikon, but how to resist this cute kitty you tell me!! Let me know if you feel compelled to get it for me thanks! (:
Oh and its great having someone to talk to abt the rugby team without feeling like I have OCD hahah (:
Mamihlapinatapei : 7/23/2010 01:42:00 AM |
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Wednesday, July 21
I dont think anything makes as much sense as this. How do you know when the right feeling is completely wrong, or when the wrong feeling is completely right.
I'm losing my sense of everything, thats for sure.
Injuries are part and parcel of every sport but its only in rugby that its so trivialized- its scary really, how we take muscle tears and shoulders popping out so forgranted. My back seems strained, my foot wails occassionally (very worrying) and my knee aches but there doesnt seem to be room for a break or injury or anything like that. Oh that and compared to what some others have gone through/ are going through, my ails seem like a mosquito bite.
Mamihlapinatapei : 7/20/2010 12:28:00 AM |
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Monday, July 19
How can I sing when my words have run dry?
How can I smile with a tear in my eye?
Summers so lost when its raining in June;
Thats how it feels, when I'm missing you.
Want to be back at Hawaii. And no its has nothing to do with me missing anyone, I just thought that song is somewhat appropriate to be the theme song of my summer (Pui, who are we Singaporeans kidding really. Summer is just a nice way of making this disgusting weather sound lovely- we really do not have summer. All we have is humidity that annoys the crap out of me.)
Anyway today already holds promises of being shitty - starting with 5 hrs of sleep, an unfinished lab assignment, lab (LAST ONE TMR! I mean it is fun if you compare it to lectures but it is really destestable when you compare it to what you can otherwise be doing, like sleep), a driving lesson I wont be able to go to (I'm really hopping my instructor doesnt call my mum :/) and fitness session (always a drag).
I spent a perfect Sunday yesterday Big walking with the loves of my lives and then coming home to snacks and Hk drama and Valentines day in a cozy, cool bed. (:
Mamihlapinatapei : 7/18/2010 12:59:00 AM |
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Saturday, July 17
Arent these vintage heels beautiful? Thankfully they're 1 and a 1/2 sizes too big, else my already infinitesimal bank balance will be further US$28 set back. But seriously, US$ 28 for these beauties are somewhat a bargain already!
I hate losing stuff and I hate being as careless as I am. This times its my "Vanessa" gold necklace that I'm REALLY hoping is at home somewhere cause it was so much trouble getting it sent from Jerusalem (on top of its pretty price) ): This means a packing day is in order soon. Might as well, in time for hall.
Recently the notion that the past will always be better than the present is a recurring one, assisted greatly by the whole idea of moving back to hall. I dont think any neighbours can beat my A3s girls really.
Mamihlapinatapei : 7/17/2010 12:30:00 AM |
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Monday, July 12
After (Spain wins) the world cup, I pledge to stop eating after 10, start sleeping before 2am, start diverting my energies to my gen bio cells, stop sleeping in class/church, start working off some of this world cup weight and stop thinking of coke.
Mamihlapinatapei : 7/12/2010 02:47:00 AM |
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Sunday, July 11
There are aome things you'll never forget. Like that time in Jonah jones when I let chiewy dribble the ball all the way to the try line; or the time I used to stay over in qiaozhi and graces room just because thy cldnt bear to wake me up; and the time I broke up with my first boyfriend at citylink; and the times my mum used to wake me to take medicine whenever I had to (now she just screams at me for forgetting); and how it used to be with the odac people terroizing my place ever other day; or how I feel like I'll never be good enough to call mysel a handball player.
Always wanted a pretty shot of the Alice in Wonderland Tea Party ride and I finally got one at my nth try (: Theres even a multiexposure of me at the bottom ride corner in some pretty looking top. I love the moving effect of those teacups and the overlay of the rabbits hut in the top left corner and the blury foreground against the clear shot of the people behind. To top it off, the colours are so pretty I could eat them for breakfast. (:
Yesterday (ITS 4.27am NOW AND I WILL BARELY GET ANY SLEEP ): ), I spent the entire day in and packing my table and cupboard and stuff. My room looks no neater than before but I feel extremely accomplished cause I have magically seemed to have created more space in my cupboard. But I dont THINK I'll get myself more clothes because the last I counted, I have 31 outing shorts and 55 skirts. And I dont even dare count the number of tops I own. Or tshirts. -shudders- I think they would go by the hundreds.
But I did enjoy the peace and aloneness very much and the whole idea that I can waste my whole day away ((: But thats kind of not true because I do have General Biology work waiting for me. :/
Oh, I seem to have a kind of sibylline ability to predict the outcome of every soccer game thus far. I have a perfect record to jinxing which ever team I support. From the big wigs to the underdogs. There isnt a game that the team I support wins, unless I fall asleep. I am keeping all my limbs crossed that the finals would be the exception to this rule because I want a spain cup!
Handball AGM at 11 am tomorrow and I'm exicted cause Grace is back!! :D But more than just that I hope things will really get ironed out and the team will start playing even more beautiful, and less emotional handball. Because I really do like this avenue to play (love the girls and its so near home!) even though my position is somewhat nugatory (but we all start somewhere, I know).
I want a rabbit that behaves like a dog! I'm tempted to get one when I move back to hall in replacement of my A3 loves, but I'm not sure if my mum will allow it hope when I move out. So operation rabbit is still on the drawing board.
Mamihlapinatapei : 7/10/2010 03:55:00 AM |
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Friday, July 9
Mockingbirds don’t do one thing but make music for us to enjoy. They don’t eat up people’s gardens, they don’t nest in corncribs, they don’t do one thing but sing their hearts our for us. That’s why it’s a sin to kill a mockingbird."
I just reread some of my RECENT past entries (the far away past ToO pAinFulZ t0 reaD lahZ) and I found this entry that told Charlie to unfriend me. Which was exactly what he did and then I got all touchy and annoyed by his lack of magnanimity and then started wondering if was such a horrible ex-girlfriend that I must be washed off even his facebook life.
It all doesnt matter whether we're facebook friends or whatever now, the point of this post is that sometimes we can all be such strange creatures, completely deserving what we got and yet still finding the ability to just whitewash your own doings and blame things on the rest of the world.
Mamihlapinatapei : 7/06/2010 02:40:00 AM |
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This picture probably doesnt mean anything to anyone, but for me, and if I'm lucky, some others (I dont even remember whose shadow these are) will remember how fun it was at that moment, after having spent a night in the car/ had their bags and pads invaded by some wild animal. I miss America, I miss just about everything about it. I miss the people who think they know everything and the smiles all round. I miss the warm California sunshine and the cold winter wind as I walk back to my cozy studio apartment.
There was so much worth loving, and now I find it incredulous that when I was there I actually wanted so much to be back because of the people I love so much here. But you see, the irony is that 9000 miles away, I felt closer to some people then I am right now. Because then I was always available, then I was exciting, then, I was invincible.
Now I'm doing my best to thrive. I exist for most of the time, but I want so much more than that. I find myself acutely aware of how often I overstep boundaries, conscious of what people expect of me, and tired, mostly of how I never seem to be able to be as ideal as I would like to be.
I'm not as fun as I was before and its worrying me not because I dont love the life I'm having now, but because I'm afraid you wont love me as much anymore. Maybe I agree with you because I dont want to fight, and I talk of the same old things and the same old people all the time because I'm afraid if I stop talking I wont be good entertaining company anymore. And people will leave, like how they always, always do.
I'm happy I really am (yesterday was a not so good day but I was still happy because I had cute wushu pants and good dinner company)- I'm just greedy and want t be happier.
Mamihlapinatapei : 7/06/2010 02:00:00 AM |
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Monday, July 5
Extrememly annoyed by all the small things starting with the inconveniences of my bag to highly uninsightful emails to the guy looking dumb in glasses without lens. And not ending with the relentless ringing of the bus bell. In an extrememly irritatable state so I try to pray for sone peace but I'm not going very far cause I'm so irritated.
The only thing that might possibly calm me down is a nap before fitness later.
Mamihlapinatapei : 7/05/2010 09:26:00 AM |
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Aside from that we judge and bitch a little more (okay I do at least), dinner felt like I could have been in year 2 again. (:
I already have a fisheye2 and am targeting a fisheye lens for my Nikon, but how to resist this cute kitty you tell me!! Let me know if you feel compelled to get it for me thanks! (:
I dont think anything makes as much sense as this. How do you know when the right feeling is completely wrong, or when the wrong feeling is completely right.
Arent these vintage heels beautiful? Thankfully they're 1 and a 1/2 sizes too big, else my already infinitesimal bank balance will be further US$28 set back. But seriously, US$ 28 for these beauties are somewhat a bargain already!
Handball AGM at 11 am tomorrow and I'm exicted cause Grace is back!! :D But more than just that I hope things will really get ironed out and the team will start playing even more beautiful, and less emotional handball. Because I really do like this avenue to play (love the girls and its so near home!) even though my position is somewhat nugatory (but we all start somewhere, I know).
I want a rabbit that behaves like a dog! I'm tempted to get one when I move back to hall in replacement of my A3 loves, but I'm not sure if my mum will allow it hope when I move out. So operation rabbit is still on the drawing board.
