Whistler is truely the place for the winter olympics and paralympics. When I came Vancouver and saw the rectalinear buildings that weren't very pretty and is kind of dull and dreary, I wondered why wld the olympics ever want to be held here. I wanted to google that but they internect connection here is as irregular as my period so I never could surf the web happily anymore. It was more like waddle and sink. So anyway, I found out for myself how beautiful the place actually is.
This is another reason why I don't believe so much in reading written works, because as beautiful and powerful as the pen might be, the heart remain the queen of all. Even photographs cant do it justice (though really good ones might be able to talk to you about it). The snowflakes that look exactly like snowflakes shows everywhere just more breath taking (I used to think those we see around on cups and cards were exaggerations), the kick/crash/break ass/wrist/knee snowboarding, the slippery slidy, the expance of snow white mountains, the snowing warmth and the unexpected fabulous company made for a day when the happy meter read 10/10. Definately the best day in Vancouver.
And tomorrow, I'm train riding solo to Seattle where it will be my first new years alone, just how cool is that and van is really growing up haha. But another thing I learn is that festivals are special only when the right people are around you. Othewise, it really is just another over commercialized day. I will miss my hostel even though I'm starting to feel some pingpits on my legs cause it's kept me safe and somewhat happy for the past 7 nights. Hostel will be my new thing now cause it's not only cheaper, I love it that I have roommates (even snoring and chao bin ones) cause sleeping alone is my numbe 2 biggest fear.
My white Canterbury is officially too tight to be true. and my face is the color of whitewashed walls. I need to return to the sweat and grime under my beautiful sun.
Mamihlapinatapei : 12/30/2009 04:54:00 AM |
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Tuesday, December 29
I’m finding my own words, my own little stage My own epic drama, my own scripted page
Back in Vancouver where the internet connection is worst than Malaysia's and I'm nursing a mini headache but I refuse to go to bed even though Gracie's all so secret secret is no secret at all.
Fate works in amazing ways, I'm extremely unwilling to increase my social circle most of the time, but usually when I do, I don't regret it. Especially when they are experienced meatball lovers like Hannah and stupid ye feng like Victoria.
Vancouver islands, like vancouver is definately a place for the summer-spring. We took 2 buses and a ferry for 4ish hours only to lazy around in our beds. Or at least I'm lazing and they're sleeping.
Mamihlapinatapei : 12/28/2009 08:31:00 AM |
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Sunday, December 27
There are somethings/people you simply cant give up no matter how aware you are they they are bad for you. Its like my relationship with Coke.
I faced more of my nemesis, bad dreams, last night alone. The worst was watching my sister be in danger of being eaten by a whale (I know whales dont eat humans, but they could drown you) and let Changtai persuade me into watching a horror movie with Yangyie.
I added the haha for good measure. Because we all need a little bit of humour to diffuse the harshness.
Friends with benefits or whatever better name you want to term a casual relationship is an excuse for both parties to be non-commited. Which is exactly what we should be. Unfortunately, I dont do casual and I dont share. I believe in being 100% wrong and you can't say I didnt try. And all this time I was waiting for "Please stay" like the silly girl I am because somewhere along the way I foolishly opened my heart to you because I knew you didnt have the key.
Saw this coming 89 miles away so I wont cry, promise.
I had a great Christmas night last night, Hannah's uncle hosted this nice homely Christmas party. The food wasnt the best I've had ( and yet I still managed to put away a decent amount) but it was clear how they were all made with love. And the man insisting for all of us to try his dumplings convinced me to have more than what I actually wanted. It was filled with love, and Christ.
So I cant answer alot of doubts and I'm about the most unbiblical Christian ever. Call it misguided, ignorant and simply blind faith, I would contest none. But the good that God has done for me and simply the beautiful work around me remains equally uncontestatble. You can call it the theory of evolution, the mother Nature, the works of science. But all those arent the ones who knows every beast in the forest and every cattle in the thousand hills and everything that is going to happen to me.
Anyway according to Psalm 66:12:12 "we went through fire and through water; but You brought us out to rich fulfillment." Do you think people who are plain selfish counts somewhat as fire and water? Or in the growing up process we left the ability and willingness to care for others being and now look on to the superficial? Do you agree with Meng zi that we were born with evil seeds and society taught us morals and etiquette or with Xuan zi that we were we born nice but tainted by society. I used to not be able to pick a side, but now I'm starting to agree with the latter and the longer you live in society, the more destroyed that innocence becomes.
And this is the song thats been ringing through my head.
Its going to be especially apt since I'm very possibly going to spend my new years day alone in Seattle.
All this being alone keeps reminding me why Jesus should be the rock in my life. And questions what am I doing in the States (for now Canada) when everything that should matter resides in sunny Singapore. Every logical fibre in my body is willing me to make those phone calls and get my already over-the-limit luggages on the next flight back. But I know something stupid in me is still being stupid.
Maybe I should be angry with you for first asking me to believe in fairytales then laughing at my naive hopeful self. But I believe in facing up to my choices and knowing that its my fault for being my naive hopeful self.
Mamihlapinatapei : 12/26/2009 06:36:00 AM |
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Friday, December 25
Merry merry Christmas, and a happy new year
Lets hope its a good one, without any fears.
Aside from that my hostel seems to only house boys (and me and my yet to exist Japanese roommate), I quite like it in that its not dinky or shady and the guy at the counter is still nice even after I've been a complete moron to him eg asking him to come down and open the door when it wasnt locked.
So I'm in Vancouver after one morning of drama. United Airways oversold the flight so they just left me (and 10 other angry people) at the airport with our mouth agape. So their master plan was to just get us all on other flights so that eventually we'll all get to our destination. But then theres the problem of time and luggage and general discontent so it didnt make for a pretty sight. They put me on a later flight to Chicago due to reach at 945am. But my transfer to Vancouver was due to fly at 943am so I was supposed to put my luck (and speed) to the test. If I missed it, they will then put me on the very late flight to Vancouver. And they told me all this when my luggage was on the way to Chicago via this very shrill pitched Asian lady with bad english (You really think all asians just supposed to connect like that?)
So anyway I eventually made my Vancouver flight amidst great drama and as the airline crew had to reopen the plane just for me (Por, I beat the time they manually carried our luggages to the plane). The panic and annoyance was well paid for in the form of a free round trip ticket to anywhere in the US which is actually pretty good stuff. I understand that the airline was facing problems as they were still clearing the aftermath of the snowstorm that hit New York. But that is really their problem and I (well, Vincent did, seeing how my POSB is no good with American airlines) am a fully paying customer deserving of a seat even if my adidas carry on is way above the carry on size limit.
And so Grace was right (as we all know she'll be). I will somehow manage to get myself into some situation or another but this time the situation found me. So I made it pretty well onto the planes and train and bus and I arrived at my hostel all safe and sound without getting any nano bit lost! Just as I was going to give myself a pat on the back (which is hard to do if you've seen how many things I juggle) I realized that I booked my hostel for the wrong days. 23-30 instead of 24-31, but if something had to go wrong, I'm glad it was this cause its a cheap US$20 mistake. Which was actually really stupid of me.
Upon arrival, I flipflopped my way to Chinatown not because of Evelyn's assumption that because I'm "Singaporean and all Singaporean must check out Chinatown" ( logically flawed by the way) but because I was hungry after getting flustered in transit and that was the place to go as recommended by the nice guy at the front desk. And when I reached the supermarket and saw you tiao, Vitasoy and hot and spicy Calbee all in a span of 5 minute I almost hyperventilated in joy. To commemorate that moment, I had to buy a bag of pingping, even though I dont exactly like like it, with the fondest memories of my friends. On my way back through Andy Livingstone park, my greed enveloped me and I sat down on a park bench and started munching on my pingping as I watched these boys play soccer. Some nice boys then invited me to play so I did, much to their regret I think. It was nice to feel the glow of the sun again and as usual, even more so when I'm all alone in a truly foreign land, the orange glow of the evening sun melted the tension in me (how dramatic can I get really?)
But you can hardly fault me- its Christmas eve and I am in a place FULL of Asians (and rectangular architect) and food that threaten to explode with nostalgia.
Merry Christmas, a great happy birthday to my Jesus! For some reason, Auld Lang Syne is ringing in my head in a nice little tune.
I know its better not to know, I cant help the wanting to part and the imagination running amok part.
And you kissed me like you meant it I mean for this to be the lengthy report promised to Qiu. That is if I dont fall asleep halfway. Which will be horrible seeing I will wake up late later and check out late and have to pay another $99 dollars for my hotel room decorated with a glass portrait of Eleanor Roosevelt(actually I'm not even sure if its her) and John F Kennedy and this super odd looking head lamp in the shape of George Washington (I stuffed it in the closet cause it was just disturbing.) I will take a picture of that tomorrow and I'm sure you'll agree.
So I've been on my Christmas break for almost 2 weeks (time sure flies faster than fat sparrows here) and I've been to 6flags at LA, the 3Ms (museums, monuments and memorials) at Washington DC and am currently taking New York by snow storm.
Laksa at LA was disappointingly flat, the moment I hit Singapore I am demanding people to celebrate my fantastic return by heading to my secret awesome restaurant for the colossal bowls of pasta and the worlds best Laksa. And yummy chicken wings. Yummmm. Theres so much good food here, I'm ironically glad Grace isnt here with me or we'll eat so much, eating would have a new definition.
I'm about the most pavid person I know- I'm scared of anything from the dark to people. So when I had to stay in New York sorta alone for 4 nights, I had to move out of the previous dinky hotel that is about to get sued by the NYPD and into the cheapest thing on Times Square so that I wont feel scared. Or depressed. Or plain annoyed by the lack of internet connection.
Okay, goodnight starlight my eyelids are hitting the ground. The next time I put something here, I would be in Vancouver I'm such a globe trooper.
The lights are turned way down low, Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.
When I dreamed of my white christmas, the one I never used to know, I did not imagine having to lug 2 heavy luggages across town, getting a cab that got stuck 7 times on the way, getting into my US$299 hotel room the size of my room at 154 Ranch Ln and discovering it has no comfy comforter to crawl into.
But I'm enjoying New York for sure. I have to sink into my pillows and fall asleep to the humming of the heater and generator and the background accompanying sound of sex and the city.
I'm going to spend the 20- 24 alone in Manhattan New York and I just booked myself a hotel room with my private bath (believe me, the current hotel I share with Victoria and Hannah is worst than those in Vietnam). Its going to be an adventure and I do hope I dont miss my flight
Mamihlapinatapei : 12/18/2009 09:54:00 AM |
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Tuesday, December 15
The very same sky
wong_yilin: dont feel stupid la Vanessa Chang: if its you you wont meh wong_yilin: i'll just come home Vanessa Chang: yah thanks for telling me that you just made me cry
I could be the newest waterworks department I'm crying at rates never known before. For good and mostly bad reasons.
We just hit Washington DC this evening and luggage pulling looking for the none existent 1940 gave me blisters on my hands and the much needed workout to get ride of all the coke I've been guzzling.
The domestic flight/international flight/amtrack/greyhound business is an exciting hunt for the cheapest price you can wrestle out of priceline.com. It also makes me long for the standard pricing, highly predictable and good smelling MRT.
My life is either a real drama or a melodrama, help me decide please.
I have a tendency to fall into habits because it meant something rather than an actual need/want for that habit. I always have a little bit of my coffee before adding anything. Because black coffee reminds me of you.
"If you're lonely you can photoshop my face in beside you". I love my friends for moments like this when you know you're loved through the words they say. It just strengthens your faith in yourself and the world and brings another bright ray of sunshine to the cold winter-ish night. I would even venture a claim that it kicks my hot chocolate's sorry ass.
I'm starting to doubt the validity of Nobel Prizes of the present. But I definitely admit to the merits of a good speech and speech maker to diffuse harsh comments on why he/she is receiving the award in the first place.
Today I used up half the box of tissues that I have not touched for 3 months and I drowned my tears in 2 panadol extras. Because for the first time in 3 months, I want to want to want to go home. Talking to real people makes me feel like where I'm at now is some fantasy, outside world, untouched by real life and my issues aren't in fact, issues at all. Its amazing how skyping Kaihui for 1hr 21min has the effect of calming my nerves and making me feel secure again, something I terribly need these few days. I shall name it the Kaihui effect in her honour.
Sonnet 116
Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments. Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove: O no! it is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests and is never shaken; It is the star to every wandering bark, Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken. Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks Within his bending sickle's compass come: Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, But bears it out even to the edge of doom. If this be error and upon me proved, I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
- William Shakespeare
The all elusive love that most hold a highly misguided (in my opinion) idea of is best pinned down by far by (one of) my one true love(s)- the all universal Shakespeare. And seeing as he is about the greatest literary genius ever to have breathed on earth, many feel that their own definition of it doesn't quite match up. Will we ever be qualified to claim "I can live only wholly with you or not at all"?
I think I need a chocolate tau huay fix with Gracie and dim sum with peking duck with Kaihui and insult swapping session with Andrea and "you are good dont worry" affirmations from Qiaozhi.
We all meet discrimination, labels, judgement. Its easy to push those uncomfortable notions and blame them on that insensitive soul. But sometimes I think I do that only because I'm insecure and then I realize I label too, all the time.
Is it better to say everything without putting them through your head or to process everything slowly before saying anything? They both sound both good and bad depending on which team you're on. Personally I believe that the first thing that comes to mind is probably your true raw emotion but your emotions aren't always right and they aren't the only one that counts.
Theres something about the mistletoe that manages to stay green in the winter despite being rootless that make its so very special.
