Friday, March 26
我為什麼總在非常脆弱的時候 懷念你
Her voice doesnt really impress me, but the song has got me hooked.
What is it about the things that we don't have that matter?
Labels: stargazing
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/26/2010 05:00:00 PM
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Communication. It’s the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking, the harder it becomes to know what to say or how to ask for what we really need.That makes so much sense! Somewhere along the way I think we learnt to say the words to to protect ourselves, to sell ourselves, to please others and to be who other people wanted us to be.
We didnt quite get the lava or sunshine we wanted, but I'm feeling the charm of Hilo, which could, in all honesty, be part of Cambodia (except with better toilets).
Labels: holiday, stargazing
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/26/2010 02:25:00 PM
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Tuesday, March 23
ALOHA from Wakiki beach- its pretty and I wish you were here.
Racing down bumpy highways without a license on the most annoying and noisy thing ever was great fun. And even though we never made it to Pearl Harbour before the sunset, I thought it was pretty damn fun.
Labels: Hawaii
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/23/2010 06:59:00 PM
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Sunday, March 21
You had a smile that could light up this whole town
Packing is exhausting. I need my Dad here- every time we travel, he packs like the packing guru and I never have to do a thing except pass him my stuff now and then and somehow, he manages to get everything to fit just right. He must have have a magical, expandable luggage!
And today, we say goodbye to the place we've called 'home' for the past 6 mths. Its a twist of fate really, I never did expect to extend my exchange, I never did expect to not regret extending my exchange, and I never expected my stuff to amount to such a state. I learnt a lot, had a lot of 'first times', and made and lost a few friends. Most importantly, I've come to realize how awesome my family is and how I simply MUST be the world's best daughter when I go home.
I guess she listens to the kind of music I don't know of, much less like, and that she gets your story the way I don't. I'm good with that, its just funny to me now. (This song, though apt, is just the weird song to refer to somehow. ahhaha)
"Tell me about your friends"
"Why? Since when do you believe in friends?"
"They're important to you so I want to know too"
He was everything I never wanted, but theres a reason I'm glad it happened. It was a costly experiment- 2 modules, 4 months and $20k, but its given me so much more than I ever imagined- my ahgogo, my v&v troopers, a strengthened bond with my friends (home and away), a stronger being in me and the renewed faith in my God.
Haha, sometimes I wonder if everything really does happen for a reason or if we give reasons to everything that has happened.
I guess, its time to go home. (But not before Hawaii, Florida, Miami, Caribbean and Bahamas.)
Labels: (:, exchange, holiday, random, stargazing
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/21/2010 09:51:00 PM
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All this packing is truly ruining my exchange experience and making me unable to feel sad about this whole leaving. Too busy feeling sad about having to pay US$350 for excess baggage charges and STILL have to wear my winter jacket on the plane. ):
Labels: ):, exchange
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/21/2010 09:07:00 PM
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Friday, March 19
"But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?"-Mark Twain
Labels: random
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/19/2010 08:31:00 PM
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The buang face roommate.
I know this entry would probably eradicate whatever 'cool' image you have of me. But its okay, you're cool if you're think you're cool. Hmm, but then again, I don't actually think I'm conventionally cool- I'm more of the I-love-the-world-I'm-in-and-theres-nothing-you-can-do-about-it-state and I think thats a pretty cool state to be in.
But even the most self-assured 21 might have a problem saying this- I guess I'm really one of a kind.
I ♥ pikachu!!! haha, I was talking to Yilin about the evolution of butterflies and I thought of Pokemon. And I don't know why I feel this urge to proclaim my love, I just felt it was time to come out of the closet.
Whats there not to love really. Its even cuter in animation! I actually want a real Pikachu (its on my top 10 want list).
I wouldn't mind having either of these either. (: My DS lite needs a new cover.
Speaking of covers, I stupidly bought a new iphone cover that is getting horribly scratched. Which dumb dumb invents covers that can get scratched? Isnt the whole point of covers to block all those scratches for my phone? (I mean it is doing that lah, but shouldnt it look good doing it too?). And which dumb dumb actually buys covers that are this troublesome.
I'm still waiting for my matutinal last minute inspiration to pull me through my paper on deviance and Shakespeare paper tomorrow. After 7pm tomorrow, I am officially going to flop around on the bed proclaiming how beautiful my life is.
Labels: (:, exchange
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/19/2010 05:09:00 PM
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Too cute, I'm definitely buying this shirt cause my old one got too tight and short (boobs getting bigger? ): ) and I donated it to Haiti. Can't wait to get back on court even though I'm prolly relegated to the bench now, maybe I should navigate my way through recce first. Can't wait to be bouncing the ball and not be the ball soon!
Labels: handball
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/19/2010 02:23:00 AM
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Your eye is on the sparrow, and Your hand it comforts me.And I will run to you, to Your words of truth
Not by might, not by power, but by the spirit of God.
Yes I will run the race, Till I see Your face
Lord let me live in the glory of Your raceYou know how sometimes you really enjoy a song and wonder how can anyone not like what you like? This is one of my songs. Its so amazing and so pure and so deliciously loving (hungry la haha) No, I'm not suddenly infatuated with this song because my finals are coming up in 1 and a half hours and I'm basically in the most unprepared state ever. I'm 'preparing' for my finals on love/sex/religion and reading this book that basically documents how religion and sexuality don't belong in the same place within one body. Its intriguing but I dont have time to discuss this in detail because notes (whatever little of them I have) calls. This is the most time I actually have to prepare for any finals, the most unprepared I've been for any finals and yet the most confident of doing okay. :/
On another note, its my 4th last day in Santa Barbara, it seems awkward that we're leaving this place we've come to find our own little world in. Farewell dinners have been great affairs- only because I refuse to think of what happens next and keep telling myself its not over yet, I still have time. But time is quickly ebbing- and my increasingly empty cupboard somewhat depresses.
Labels: exchange, YOU (:
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/19/2010 01:30:00 AM
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Thursday, March 18
Whats it about the brain that allows it to contain so many things it doesn't understand?
Labels: ):
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/18/2010 03:16:00 AM
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Wednesday, March 17
There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/17/2010 05:01:00 PM
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"Go. Have adventures. See the world. Just come back to me."-Ben (Iddo Goldberg), Secret Diary Of A Call Girl
Labels: (:
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/17/2010 03:31:00 PM
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Tuesday, March 16
V2: I secretly like to look at him and laugh.
V1: Everytime I look at him I laugh at myself.
Ahgogos win. (:
Labels: love you
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/16/2010 07:10:00 PM
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The vanishing love.If only I am half as determined and anxious about my finals (which are coming up in 3 days) as I am about my packing, I think I'll go pretty far. But thankfully, I'm sure my finals wont be a quarter as hard as my packing- all the ziplocks and tapping and squeezing and shoving. Its pretty amazing what my luggages seem so expandable. Whats more amazing than that is the amount of things I actually have.
This picture has everything that I want- If only I had was as pretty as this girl, had as nice hair as she does, was as slim as her, had that lovely dress and that drool-worthy camera. But even then I think I'll find something else to want.
This was taken off the grave of
Leonard Matlovich, "the first soldier to take the U.S. military to court over the gay ban". Its awesome and powerful and makes me want to wear a "
Legalize Gay" shirt from American Apparel. Ironically enough though, he died of AIDs.
Between the 22 March and 13 April, I will be taking 10 plane rides, 1 greyhound and 1 cruise (pending random ferry trips and such). Ahgogo (aka roomie Vicky) and I finally sat down for a good few hours scouring the web for deals and hotel. We were only forced to stop when studentuniverse.com sent me an email telling me my credit card was denied. My mouth dropped in utter horror, definitely the first (and hopefully last) of this kind.
Our transportation alone cost us US $1500 and I feel like a terrible terrible daughter because all my dad said to me was "better take care of yourself and dont go to too rowdy places and take care of yr belonging" and my mummy was all "you better tell me how much you want if not if you go to Hawaii and theres no reception you jialat". My family is the best evidence of God's love for me. :D
Labels: exchange, holiday, love you, pretty, random, YOU (:
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/16/2010 05:52:00 PM
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Monday, March 15
"It’s like that school girl kind of love. The one where you chew on your pen, stare out the window and imagine you two getting married."
Labels: random
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/15/2010 11:47:00 AM
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What a depressing but real thought.
Monday's Child is far of faceby Mother Goose
Monday's child is fair of face,
Tuesday's child is full of grace,
Wednesday's child is full of woe,
Thursday's child has far to go.
Friday's child is loving and giving,
Saturday's child works hard for a living,
But the child born on the Sabbath Day,
Is fair and wise and good and gay.
I just thought of this lovely rhyme and that we've all heard of but never remembered. I'm a Saturday child by the way, which means:
You are ambitious, enjoy work, and like to accomplish things. You know what you want! Almost completely untrue. If you're trying to escape studyland you can check out which day you were born in
here.
And any time you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders
For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder
My current favourite Beatles song- I'm kindda still thinking about my Love, sex and Religion class and even though you cant accurately define the metaphysical, I've actually learnt much from this class and theres so much that Prof Friedland said in the lectures that are worth thinking about (now thats what lectures should be like all the time!). But I'll share at a more appropriate time- I wouldny quite do it justice in my current state of Coke Zero high (:
Labels: exchange, random
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/15/2010 01:29:00 AM
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Thursday, March 11
I want to do a recreation of this picture sometime, its almost too sweet. And need is such a strong word. But thats how love is supposed to be isnt it? In Plato's symposium, love is said to be a state of desire, a constant articulation a lack. If you think of yourself as the world and wholly complete, how can there be a true desire for another? (I think at best you can muster lust)
Recently I find myself my receptive to the idea that maybe if my plans as a homemaker fall through, I won't be too broken. Walking down streets that no longer seem unfamiliar, I've learnt to appreciate everything about being me and being alone that sometimes I wonder why I would want myself tied to another and have to bend over backwards for. Coupled with my relatively short attention span, maybe its better because this way. Indeed theres no extreme highs (and lows), but in its place theres this bubble of simplistic joy in just about everything.
But for me, love is not about finding someone you can live with, but someone you can't live without (no I didn't get this off some cheesy television series). Therefore I'm always skeptical about cohabiting- its so realistic and 'convenient', the exact thing love is not meant to be.
Labels: stargazing
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/11/2010 07:03:00 PM
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Wednesday, March 10
You could be the star in someone else's sky.
10 weeks readings is 20 articles and two books- even though I'm quite an evil genius, I think I'm barely going to scrape the tip. Its okay I'm really overdoing the classes here, I can actually afford to drop/fail two. Which I refuse, for prides sake.
Not directed at anyone in particular (more like a few someones) but this is funny. We should all start making banners just because. Qiu, I'll make this one for you!
I quite like this quote I chance upon: Anyone can easily walk away from somebody else. Nobody is forced to stay; we all have choices. The real test is if someone would rather stay with you, even though walking away could be so much easier. Makes me wonder how many times I chose the easier way out. But I think this quote neglects to mention sometimes walking away is the most awesome thing you could have done. Who says easy is necessarily wrong?
Labels: exchange, random, stargazing
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/10/2010 05:25:00 PM
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Tuesday, March 9
“Kiss me and you’ll know how important I am.”
— Sylvia Plath
I'm dramatic like that (:
Labels: (:
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/09/2010 11:59:00 AM
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Monday, March 8
Labels: (:
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/08/2010 05:50:00 PM
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Things are never as bad as they seem
So dream, dream, dream.
I watched UCSB rugby women lost the spot for nationals to UCLA today. And I watched the A side (like the first team-ers) left as the B side started their friendlies. Everyone starts somewhere, now I'm on first teams, second teams, third team all simultaneously and I feel that there is no shame in being not 'good enough' so long as you've given and will keep giving it all you've got (thinking that you've given it all and are still being marginalized and then whine about how unfair the world is is not what I call "given it all you've got"). And I feel that thats what a team is about- helping each other grow. Not going: oh I dont want to practice with the reserve standoff because I'm the first team scrumhalf and I only need to pass balls with the first team standoff.
That said, although the UCSB playing style is rather different from that which I'm used to, I've learn much from them- their never-say-die attitudes and their dare to dream courage. And X has been one of, if not the most inspiring captain I know.
Labels: rugby
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/08/2010 04:24:00 PM
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Sunday, March 7
Theres nothing to cushion a heart-led fall.
So after having had my worst school day last Wed-Thurs due 2 papers dues, I think I kind of deserve a big cup of Yoghurtland. I think it was the worst time I had in a long time cause usually my last minute panic, or what i prefer to call inspiration, pulls through, either that or I usually just take it really casually find my way around. But last Thus, there was no way around my Shakespeare paper and I declared a state of emergency. I wasn't even on MSN/skype which indicates my state of distress.
But the essay I wrote on the sociology of 'slut' was interesting and the interviews were fun for sure. Maybe I could be a Sociologist. But that will be what I say until I return to NUS.
We celebrated Sam and Victoria's birthday at Brophy Bros. by the Santa Barbara Harbour yesterday. Nothing exciting about the ambience, or maybe I expected more cause its all by the sea, but everything about the darlings.
So Happy birthday roomie/ahgogo and the one who puts a v (the second one) in v&v. :D She was also the one who brought me on my very first lipstick shopping experience and bought me the coral lipstick that I'm wearing here. (It was a terrible terrible experience my lips hurt for good whole day after.)
I'm inspired to buy one of Keri Smith's
Wreck This Journal. Basically its a deviant book that has instructions on how to destroy the book and it sure sounds like a whole load of fun.
She makes it look oh-so-pretty as well! ((:
Doesnt it look like completely something I want to do? (It is!) But I need to think if I really need to buy that book because I have a ton of stuff to lug back (I just found out I can check in an extra baggage at $109 and that opens a whole world of possibilities! haha. But I'm still thinking if I can somehow manage to bring my History of Costume book back and I really think this book will end up being exactly like my non-planner datebook. A brilliant book that I totally love but never got round to finishing it.
So because I love beautiful things but am acutely aware of my almost non-existant bank account, I'm actually quite a fan of looking at pretty pictures. Its convenient, has like endless varieties of prettiness, won't look bad on you, is completely free and wont get dirty so you dont have to keep things in dustbags or handwash things or whatever. Its even better than the real things if you ask me. My recent excitement is
miumiu.
Pretty jeweled ballerina flats that will have me looking like a Thai/Indian.
I actually like the dress behind too.
And beautiful, expensive heels still give you blisters (I read reviews), its a fallacy to think money can solve everything.
This is totally blister worthy. It looks like a cross between teacups and chocolate. The out of place black ribbon is actually kind of weird on second thought.
So see, this way I get to appreciate beautiful things without having to spend a cent and having to run risk or spoiling them (Very likely).
Occasionally, much more often then we think, we need a little bit of pablum thoughts.
Labels: (:, exchange, love you, random
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/07/2010 10:23:00 AM
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Friday, March 5
Happy Birthday Ahgogo (:
Labels: (:
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/05/2010 06:43:00 PM
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Thursday, March 4
Labels: random
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/04/2010 04:31:00 PM
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On top of having a totally awesome theme song, Winnie the Pooh is secretly full of though worthy quotes.
Piglet:
How do you spell Love?Pooh:
You don’t spell it. You feel it.“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."- Christopher Robin to Pooh
Labels: random
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/04/2010 07:18:00 AM
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Wednesday, March 3
Happy anniversary.
A Winter's Tale has joined the ranks of Romeo and Juliet and A Doll's House in becoming one of my all time favourite plays. I know you won't google it on my recommendation, so in essence, it is a play exploring the passage of time: how life is really cyclical and how we heal due to this cyclical nation; how winter seems rougher than it really is but its a necessary passage for spring. Its actually brilliant if you think about it. I know its cliche, but whoever said cliches can't hold more than meets the eye?
As Mamilliu says, "A sad tale's best for winter". So we wait for the brilliance of spring for our fairytales only to have it turn around in winter? Unfortunately it seems that this is the way of life. But its also this repeated cycle that helps us heal, that presents never ending possibilities and gives us hope that life will truly be meaningless without.
Its simple really, I think we all just need to be happy in all that we are- keep being soft and not let the world turn us hard. People might think its crazy, that not everything 'works out'. But its really okay, things don't have to work out for you to be happy.
Labels: stargazing
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/03/2010 05:10:00 PM
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I miss New Creation.
Cliff told me God makes us a new man all the time. So I guess my whole "I left part of me with (insert names) and therefore I am incomplete" thinking is no longer valid. (:
Just packed 1/8 of my luggage and I must say its looking up. I'm still hoping (despite what my ahgogo says about me being the most delusional person she knows) that everything will fit.
Labels: exchange, YOU (:
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/03/2010 03:59:00 PM
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Tuesday, March 2
When I am cold, I draw warm little cups of coffee
I know I am starting to paint my true blue greedy nature with the recent rapid-fire of food related post. But I am proud of my sweet and sour prawns today. (: I felt like it during my Globalization class so I picked up ingredients on my way home. I am officially domesticated. (somehow that sounds like a pet)
With my fu yoong egg wanna-be (I googled the recipe online and it turns out that you must deep fry to get the real deal. I never knew and i refuse to deep fry!) and Hainanese chicken rice rice. Yums max.
I feel great recently, my logic is fast returning and I'm getting a lot less volatile. Must be the onslaught of spring- I think flowers bloomed all over UCSB this weekend.
Labels: (:, exchange, food
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/02/2010 03:11:00 PM
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你的眼中 藏著什麼 我從來都不懂
沒有關係 你的世界 就讓你擁有
不打擾 是我的溫柔
Labels: (:
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/02/2010 05:47:00 AM
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Monday, March 1
You ate my heart
I think its quite an accomplishment no?
Just got back from Bridges swing dance party and I miss ballroom dancing! haha, Its fun especially with a cute dance partner and a pretty swingy skirt (:
If my lecture halls looked like
this, I'll definately going to class with newfound enthusiasm. (:
Shes beautiful, but it helps that she always has a resplendent smile to match that bright red lipstick that she likes to wear. (:
Oh I almost forgot to leave one last passing comment on how much a jerk you really neednt be. Just unfriend me (unfriend is officially an english word now and even Oxford word of the year 2009.) and save your trouble of trying to pretend we're 'friends'.
Labels: (:, exchange, random
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/01/2010 02:52:00 PM
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Too cute, I'm definitely buying this shirt cause my old one got too tight and short (boobs getting bigger? ): ) and I donated it to Haiti. Can't wait to get back on court even though I'm prolly relegated to the bench now, maybe I should navigate my way through recce first. Can't wait to be bouncing the ball and not be the ball soon!
