In year 1, I learnt that backstage crew never get the true gratification they rightly deserve when the dancers ate at tables in the pantry while we sat on the floor of the loading bay. Thankfully, I don't need gratification, true or otherwise, because no amount of stage time can replace the satisfaction of seeing the lights I wire run up and down- its almost like (very mini) fireworks. No one has thanked me yet despite the "Wahs!" (yay!) but it doesnt matter because I cannot wait to see my friends there tomorrow (no link in these two scenarios but no food, no sleep, no energy to think).
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/31/2011 12:46:00 AM |
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Wednesday, March 30
I think 哀莫大于心死 one of the saddest 成语 I know (Google says its a 成语 anyway).
I actually like production week and the endless focusing of the lights that leave me with a ringing purple spot in my eyes. These 2 days also makes me wonder if I should have invested a lot more effort and emotions in this module. Maybe then it won't just feel like a motion I have to go through.
And the best part about being on a liquid diet is that I don't have as much energy to think about anything else aside from which lights need to be at 67%, when is the next time I am sinking my artificially straight teeth into a ha jiong kai and whether I am going to laosai in my sleep.
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/30/2011 02:17:00 AM |
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Someone I met in the US once asked me why do we need friends since they mostly exist in convenience and cause us inconvenience anyway when we could really invest the effort in being independent and learning to live in isolation. He so sincerely meant and lived by this that it got me to wonder as well because we all go through the stage where we start to question the transient nature of 'forever'.
But last night was probably one of the testimony worthy nights because sunny bunny Esther and self declared care bear really turned my one hell of a shit day three big rounds about (: And I feel completely compelled to post three very significant pictures to document the course of our friendship.
So anyway I'm not very eloquent at 3.37am but what I would like to say is I love you girls very much and I hope thats enough for us.
This was taken in Seattle, where I walked in the rain for over 6 hours in search for the University of Washington thanks to the map that was not labelled "extremely not drawn to scale". When I reach the warmth of Macy's, I sat down among the Winter Olympics range of Ralph Lauren and felt grateful for life in general.
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/23/2011 01:42:00 AM |
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Tuesday, March 22
I was going to blast about a certain stream of events that had me riled up today but then I saw my previous post (yes I read my own blog I am narcissistic/reflective that way) and decided to let some not very pleasant things slide and to put things succinctly- when is the line between being responsible to oneself and being self-centered?
"I wonder how many burns the skin can handle before the scars begin to seep into the soul."
This should the quote to live by for now. (But somehow, I have a knack for thinking that everyones problem is my problem.)
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/15/2011 01:20:00 AM |
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Monday, March 14
早知道是這樣 像夢一場
Hahah! Hello Sharon, I miss you I do.
I always say its time for this to end, then I wonder what would happen with just a little more persistence. Than I repeat the statement over and over and over again, as you can tell.
Sometimes, I wonder what is the fucking point.
Today marks the start of my sleep at 1 (latest 2) , no food after 10 (latest 11) campaign. My target is 1 week and hopefully it takes of from there. hahah
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/14/2011 01:10:00 AM |
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Sunday, March 13
东西有没有那个价值就在于拥有它的人会不会珍惜它。人也是一样。Had to type that in Chinese cause it sounds like something that came straight out of some drama. And corny is always slightly more acceptable in Chinese. So the point is, i believe in the social mirror theory and I think we should be kinder to those who deserve it because you never really know how your niceness could make the day, or the hour. I don't think we appreciate nearly enough.
So the season has come to a close not in the exact way we would have wanted it. I think the biggest regret wasnt losing to anyone but weiyi's knee. Juan's "people who want to play also cannot" was too potent. Anyhows,I'm glad I got got over my reluctance for contact before the last training and there really wasn't any other way I would or could have played the last game. And I guess the plans to pick up a new sport has to be shelved in light of the fact this this cannot be my last memory of 15s. I mean not like anyone really believed me, but trust Kaihui on this and what a hard time this gave her. But I'm sure 2 (studying filled) weeks away from Blacks will make me want it back.
"Hey van drink up and eat well for tml! Really nice to hear so much of you at training and team runs :) makes me feel secure and calm. Lets have our best game tml playing for one other. Going to clear away hard any blue jersey that lay their hands on you!" (: too touching too inspirational and the hug yesterday was much needed, lets hope my nerve stay calm and the throws straight and if (choi!) that doesn't happen, the head must stay up so all chongs can see is the desire to smack in those eyes with the shit blurry contacts.
I don't think I know, or will ever know anyone else who will stuff her towelled hair into a laptop case and think she's Harry Potter. Happy birthday, enjoy being 21, young, reckless and dynamic.
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/11/2011 06:22:00 AM |
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Wednesday, March 9
A report due tomorrow on something I am truly clueless about so it would do me good to keep these wayward emotions in check and take out my studying glasses.
Need to start having regular proper meals, better studying habits, more motivation, less hesitation and I'M JUST TOO HUNGRY TO THINK.
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/09/2011 02:37:00 AM |
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Monday, March 7
I wonder because I don't have the courage to find out.
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/07/2011 12:49:00 AM |
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Saturday, March 5
The last time we went to KL for a game with rsc I didn't bring any Malaysian ringgit and was overwhelmed with wing and Tabi constantly asking me to buy whatever and even Yilin shared her sandwich with me. And it's little touching things like that that makes memories I guess. And it's 8am so just let me be sentimental and grateful for the small things ((:
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/05/2011 07:55:00 AM |
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多的是，你不知道的事
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/05/2011 02:19:00 AM |
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I don't know if you're still here ahgogo, but I know you will be sometime (you're HOW gossipy) so heres a note to let you know you are truely missed. Together with our indian bubble tea, annoying laundry times, out of hand shopping sprees, many chirstmases coming early, makeup lessons, cooking sessions, and really, every thing was such a blast with you. I don't think I'll ever forget how you ran over to pick me up with a box of tissue and a roll of toilet paper and that moment I really wanted to cry only because I never knew I had such a friend in you.
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/04/2011 05:10:00 AM |
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I was so blind/ I could not see
Your paradise/ Is not for me
Watching Madonna's drowned concert for class tomorrow and it would actually be enjoyable (I mean as a piece of homework) if not for the fact I left it till so late its almost a chore. And I'm glad to be properly hungry again; what would I give to be back at San Frans indulging at the Cheesecake factory and feasting on the best sushi I've ever had.
NOW.
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/04/2011 03:13:00 AM |
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是我自己想的太多
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/04/2011 02:54:00 AM |
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Thursday, March 3
But the increasingly apparent truth is that we both don't need this.
On another note, I don't think my legs will ever be properly clean until after season. And that this gastric that is keeping me awake is making me way too pensive.
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/03/2011 02:38:00 AM |
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Two days ago I was just thinking about how it would not be mentally possible, and I would never be willing, to give this up and was thinking of all the "Lovers, keep on the path you’re on—runners, until the race is run./ Soldiers, you’ve got to soldier on./ Sometimes even the right is wrong" quotes I know. But now my train of though is on the track of how its been so silly of me to persist when its like quicksand, hopeless from the start.
The chances of me changing my mind is too high because I know I don't have, and don't want to give up all that I've gotten used to. So its a matter of habit vs the unknown, possible brighter days.
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/03/2011 02:14:00 AM |
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Its like we've been talking about the same old same old and keep insisting that a change will happen or that something to be different.
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/03/2011 01:44:00 AM |
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You know when thoughts fill you up but you cant articulate what exactly it is because theres too much to mull over and nothing you say seems to be hitting the nail on the head but at the heart of it you feel like there is one overarching issue waiting to surface but will not because you simply refuse to acknowledge its presence? Then you feel like you need to talk to someone but you feel like its pointless because this person really won't understand so you might as well be alone or, better yet, asleep.
So thats about how I'm feeling right now. Its not about the game per se, and I won't bother explaining now cause you wont get me anyways.
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/03/2011 12:29:00 AM |
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Wednesday, March 2
And something to think about when I'm slightly more lucid- when is 随便 too 随便, when is imposing too imposing and when is the best time to celebrate my neighbour's birthday?
This should the quote to live by for now. (But somehow, I have a knack for thinking that everyones problem is my problem.) 
I don't think I know, or will ever know anyone else who will stuff her towelled hair into a laptop case and think she's Harry Potter. Happy birthday, enjoy being 21, young, reckless and dynamic.
