Tuesday, March 22
I was going to blast about a certain stream of events that had me riled up today but then I saw my previous post (yes I read my own blog I am narcissistic/reflective that way) and decided to let some not very pleasant things slide and to put things succinctly- when is the line between being responsible to oneself and being self-centered?
"I wonder how many burns the skin can handle before the scars begin to seep into the soul."
Labels: everyday nonsense
Mamihlapinatapei : 3/22/2011 03:36:00 AM
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Saturday, February 26
I guess its me and my milk tea this Saturday night with readings and laundry on the mustdolist. Certain points of random frustrations throughout the day but it was good overall and I'm actually feeling slightly sad because season is ending and no this post is too boring to continue so I shall conclude by saying the time has come for me to stop being harsh (I prefer to term it brutally honest but then again its really my pov and could simply be ignorance) and start teaching the world to sing in perfect harmony with apple trees and bumble bees and snow white turtle doves.
Labels: everyday nonsense
Mamihlapinatapei : 2/26/2011 11:06:00 PM
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Wednesday, December 22
Don't forget i'll hold your head, watch the night sky fading red
Would really like to leave and explore, then share my observations of the world with you. But thats three things too much to ask for.
Yesterday, or was it some other day I don't really know, I dreamt I went back on my exchange. And if ever I do go back to Yosemite, I promise to scale every single one of those waterfalls.
A little bit of secular discourse here. Firstly, sometimes relationship hit a plateau and there really is no reason to persist. But the reason why we hold on is because of the journey it took to get there. Secondly, I exist to give in to some whim and fancies of some people. But the somes are really important because I still expect some sense of proper demeanor and more importantly, some time ago you ceased to fall into the category of "some people". Thirdly, some people are so nice it makes me feel like I'm a bad person but if you ask me, I maintain that I'm just being brutally honest. But there are so many obligations that are at odds with what you really feel/want and where do you draw the line between being responsible and being real?
Don't go and assume I am being angsty here just because I don't accept crap as much as you think I do.
Labels: everyday nonsense, exchange, random
Mamihlapinatapei : 12/22/2010 02:12:00 AM
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Wednesday, December 15
原来心酸比心痛难受
Having a slight headache from dehydration/the never ending chemicals in my hair. I must say that perming my hair really helps to be able to tie my hair not too tightly and my bun stays in a bun and so its not purely for aesthetic purposes. On the downside, I look aunty MAXIMUM every time my hair gets wet. Oh well at least I'm interesting now.
The to-be-scar on my wound suddenly turned a scary shade of black, I'm kind of scared now actually. :/ Also when i press around the area there seems to be a solid bumpish thing and the doctor did say there is a chance that the cyst may come back and this time I really will cry.
Qiu and I tried to hide our blotting paper from the ktv guy as we were crossing the overhead bridge and the though of that will never stop making me crack up. ((:
Labels: everyday nonsense, love you, random, rugby
Mamihlapinatapei : 12/15/2010 12:44:00 AM
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Saturday, December 11
Okay this is completely not post worthy but I have been kind of irritated because firstly theres so many things on my to-do list such that I threw it away altogether and secondly I cannot quite figure out if the film in my sproket rocket is properly wound up of am I taking pictures on nothing at all.
Going to perm my hair tomorrow and I'm excited. I'm just bored of this plainness. My hair is really very much like me, nice and completely uninteresting. I would actually cut it all off but I need to save a ponytail just in case I ever need a scrum cap. Okay I am discussing MY HAIR here, this is how very much I am turning into such a bore in my candycane pjs. (:
What if I don't have anything I want to tell you except that I miss you very much?
"There are a million ways to bleed. But you are by far my favourite."Labels: everyday nonsense, stargazing
Mamihlapinatapei : 12/11/2010 10:53:00 PM
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Monday, December 6
"Of all the priceless objects left behind, this is what we rescue. These artifacts. Memory cues. Useless souvenirs. Nothing you could auction. The scars left from happiness."
- Chuck Palahniuk
Couldnt sleep thanks to the itch that I would give 2 fingernails up to scratch and I'm so happy Minli gained new grounds in terms of our friendship (:
And sudden urge to go on a film camera frenzy, I need some black and white film and I'm all set! haha I can't seem to remember what I used to do during the past dec hols, but I don't remember it to be this free and this awkward. Not in a bad way either
Now this is weird I guess responsibility is out of style today. Its damn annoying this whole hall thing. Now what is the point of having 4 out of 6 dance practices without the choreo and people who cancel/suddenly decide to have training in less than 1 days notice. Yes I'm this prude who believes in following a schedule and must find a way to deal with the temperaments of flexible people nowadays.
Oh and the modules that I MUST do next semester clashes so now its either I have to write a thesis (I could die) , delay graduation or graduate without an honours prematurely. Somehow I don't seem to be as distressed as I should be but not that fretting will solve the problem. (I'm sorry even I'm bored writing this para)
And those were really supposed to be yesterday's feelings.
Labels: :(, Eusoff, everyday nonsense, NUS
Mamihlapinatapei : 12/06/2010 01:59:00 AM
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Friday, December 3
You could be my plus one
(I think plus one is such a cute term)
Really had a simple but great day today and I'm craving for more of that samsui chicken thinggy.
Cyst op tomorrow after 6 months and 7 doctor visits (I kid you not) and taking into account that its my first real surgery and everything I guess I'm being kind of brave. But I'm actually more afraid I don't have the discipline to stay out of any physical activity for two weeks.
And I was packing my cupboard just yesterday and am actually surprised to find so many jerseys as if I'm some really multi-talented athlete. I still wonder sometimes how I try to play sports when I am really not gifted in this department.
You really should not have said that and I really could have done with a more honest reply.
I need to get down to make my bedroom look as comfy as this (: Not that I need more reason to stay in bed, but this would totally put me in a snazzy mood all day.
Labels: everyday nonsense, home, rugby
Mamihlapinatapei : 12/03/2010 05:25:00 AM
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Tuesday, November 16
I spent half my class getting pissed off cause I thought the avant garde film was torturous and I hate it when people do weird stuff and try to spin off this whole tale making me wonder if I'm the imbecile here. I am overly harsh I know they put in a lot of time into making it. Call me lowbrow if you please, but art is subjective and I dont agree with that whole act stylized but actually just make it tinted and on double speed. If I had to watch a full length video (that 10 min clip felt like forever), I think I would cry (also partly cause I am kind of sickly and completely miserable from hunger).
Labels: everyday nonsense, theatre
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/16/2010 01:40:00 PM
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You are my all in all.This all nighter business is not too cool.
How often do we stick by people because we want to and not because they want us to? To me, that makes all the difference in the world.
Labels: everyday nonsense, random
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/16/2010 05:53:00 AM
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Tuesday, November 9
“To move the world we must first move ourselves.”
-Socrates
Its like after I tweeted that today was one of the happiest day I had in school all sem (it actually still is), everything went downhill and I really really wanna pass my driving test tomorrow (I am going to pray for as long as I can later) but today's dismal practise was dismal and I'm no longer sure if I know how to park anymore. This is great. And I just killed my 2 weeks of wrist resting in one training. But its all okay because I'm going to sleep now and sleeping time is always perfect.
Some people have such good training attitudes its just really nice (:
Labels: everyday nonsense
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/09/2010 11:12:00 PM
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Sunday, November 7
Let me light up the skyAnd while its the thought that counts, I'm thinking of you haha.
Didn't feel like going for SCC 7s after 2 days of sleepy drone and failed visor plans. Then, I overslept for church. Following which I cancelled on Sharon because I didn't wanna go down all the way with my 50% presentation still on a clean slate. So all I want to do is lie on my bed and listen to the humming of the fan.
I spent my weekend reading The Carrie Diaries which is such a good read about nothing.
Labels: everyday nonsense
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/07/2010 06:13:00 PM
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Saturday, October 23
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks.I really should be sleeping in my deliciously comfortable bed right now but I just found the most awesome glee rendition of "
Total Eclipse of the Heart" and I'm in love with it all over again. :D
Someone asked me to do something that that someone is perfectly capable of doing herself and I was nice enough to say okay even in the midst of my hell week. And now this person is totally rushing me to get to it. The sense propriety is so starkingly missing I'm actually as to loss of how to reply.
But my darling just offered me a bike ride down to our human race tomorrow and I AM EXCITED :D
Labels: (:, everyday nonsense
Mamihlapinatapei : 10/23/2010 01:25:00 AM
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Tuesday, October 19
I cheered up considerably because hall dinner was good and my nap was good and I cancelled one day off my horror week calendar. And then I came up with a one step at the time plan and I cannot cannot cannot wait for Friday. (: Or actually Thursday would be greatly welcomed too. You see that white cloud like thing? Its actually a sheep and theres the word SLEEP in it and thats the projected next time I am getting what my heart desires most.
And then theres this whole getting easily distracted business going on and I mean what is up with that?
Is it weird that I'm not worried (or doing anything) about how I'm going to complete all my work but am completely prepared to pull yet another all nighter. Somehow, the words just fall into place 3 hours before the deadline and that is really such a bad bad habit.
Hate this whole honours student deal and with my honours coordinator emailing me every other day asking me if I can graduate if I want to pull my CAP up and how I should be studying. If he has been talking to any of my professors (which I'm sure he has been) he should realize by now that it would already be a miracle if my CAP maintains. And no, I do not want to ever hang out in the TS honours room and spend some time getting to know my peers and feel even more inadequate then I already do.
Yesterday, I though I was having a sort of shitty suay day but now I can barely remember what actually annoyed me (except some unhelpful shitheads. I mean study so much and still so selfish then you study for shit) which is good I guess. And which also means I was just being unnecessarily worked up (as usual. Running on a short fuse of late). Okay just as I was about to say today might not actually be so bad, (and add a smily face behind for good measure) someone just walked across my corridor and my open door and is smoking. WTF really, if he walks past again, I am going out, hairband hair or not.
Labels: everyday nonsense, NUS
Mamihlapinatapei : 10/19/2010 12:27:00 AM
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Monday, October 18
The previous post is just kind of bratty and embarrassing but whatever, I was really ticked off yesterday.
Almost as pissed off then as I am tired now. And its really barely 12.40 I have half a mind to take a nap since I did manage to wring an extension for my feminist essay (supposedly due tomorrow). Its gonna be a grueling week and I have no one to blame and whine to but myself.
So this is my team at the Singapore Rugby 7 Series that just concluded today and there were high and low moments but I thought some people really leveled up and so my 2 precious weekends and multiple scratches were kind of worth it. I think we worked hard to get there. The thing about sports is the people who shine are naturally more valued, but I think it is important to recognize that there are people who helped them get where they are and are also playing their best- which is really everything they should be doing and I think everyone who did that should be proud of themselves and should have teammates who are proud of them.
One of the thing that struck me most (although I am hardly in the right frame of mind to reflect) is about how much we've got to want it and how it is a game of passion. In Tabi's words, if your heart cannot take it go and play something easier. Like the violin (I am still amused by it) haha. But yes, the warming up was more mental than anything and its really not how good we are that impresses me and makes the game enjoyable. Its how we show that we want it (no I dont consider "Are you ready to play?" -awkward silence then "(meekly) yes?" wanting it) and we're out there fighting for it.
And this is what I'm reading now. Usually I would completely be interested (and its actually an interesting read) but I am so tired I am actually kind of convinced maybe its a good idea to take a nap.
Labels: everyday nonsense, NUS, rugby
Mamihlapinatapei : 10/18/2010 12:40:00 AM
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Saturday, October 16
RANTY POST AHEAD. (will probably make me sound like 15 again)
I just wasted about 3 hours of my life first trying to download all sort of crappy programme to watch
Lawrenz's sunig video that is in .
MTS formet from Pluto. When that failed, I then tried to download another 7 different programmes to convert the .
MTS files into something playable without leaving a watermark. What is the
fucking point of recording a video in high
definition if no one can view it anyway. Not that I am hard up to watch but its like I made the effort to go get it and try to open it I wanted to complete this task but what the shit. I hate technology. I mean yes I love
aircon and my
iphone but if not for the fact that it is so much of technology causing global warming in the first place, maybe I won't need my precious
aircon so much. As for my
iphone, well, everything apple is just worthwhile technology (the exception to the rule).
Okay then I tried to find one of my MANY huge black bags and wasted another 1 hour of my life because my mother has this sickening habit (which sadly I inherited) of packing everything (like I really mean everything including the world's ugliest vases and those free supermarket paper/
canvasy free bag SHE WILL NEVER USE) into this corners and boxes and I failed the treasure hunt game and am now sweating and just completely pissed off. (Don't you dare say I'm a brat blah blah blah, I just dont understand why can't she leave my things alone. Its not like she will ever want to use my adidas duffle.)
Wah lao eh and someone completely messed up my closet and I HATE HATE HATE COMING HOME TO SEE MY SPACE INVADED.
My parents are somewhere stranded in Beijing and my sister is working night shift today so really I came home to an empty house. This is great (I actually kind of mean it) except that I am really angry now and have no one to unleash my
wrath upon.
Labels: everyday nonsense
Mamihlapinatapei : 10/16/2010 08:13:00 PM
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Saturday, October 9
Your gaze was fixed somewhere else.
This picture was taken kind of randomly but it really means quite a lot to me. Everything that happened on that day did. But this best exemplifies "the best thing about a picture is that it never changes, even when the people in it do."(Andy Warhol) Oh well, glad I met her anyway.
So, I went jogging with Shuwen at night and we were just talking about things. And all of a sudden I just felt lonely. Like woah lonely. Like I can't think of a single person to call lonely. And when I finally did, that person just kind of made me feel lonelier. Tonight, for the first time in a long time, I wanted some one to just be there. To ask me how was my day and to sincerely be interested to hear the most mundane of replies.
I am sincerely interested in what my friends have to say so long as I truly take them as a friend. But it seems like this has ceased to be the norm and somehow the way we interact with one another has became more cautious, more calculated. Its not to say that we're all insincere beings, but I would venture a guess that its because I don't feel as free to just say anything I want anymore. So much of our interactions rest on the superficial, and a quick check on my phone's call history reveals that all these transactions are because I want something from them or they want something from me. It sounds a lot worst when I put it like that but what I really mean is, when was the last time you called a friend just because? People talk to me when I'm injured, hungry, sad, broken, blah blah blah, but maybe I want someone to talk to when I'm happy or bored or whatever. Since when do you need a reason to want to talk to a friend?
Maybe I'm jaded about hall. Maybe because I waited for Shuwen to celebrate Lynette's birthday with the hall people which got me thinking like when you talk to so many people can you sincerely care for all of them. And come to think of it, I don't really remember who crowded into my room on birthday. I term it the you-know-so-many-people-you-don't-know anyone-anymore syndrome.
Maybe I just want someone to share my minute and painfully detailed observations of the world with. Like how my neck could use a massage, and how I am actually considering giving up all sport participation and how Minli is just amazing and how
this is actually kind of funny (but I secretly don't trust the NY times) and how I think people who collect post-it notes are kind of sweet.
Maybe I just want you around. (or maybe I don't want to want you anymore)
Labels: Eusoff, everyday nonsense
Mamihlapinatapei : 10/09/2010 02:35:00 AM
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Wednesday, September 29
And as usual I'm still in my hall room after 2 hours of doing completely nothing, pondering about life and if I should actually have some lunch because nothing within my 10 busstop radius interests me and I'm slightly (make that very) lazy to get out of my comfy hall clothes so maybe I should just use the time to take a nap instead.
So where does school work really factor in my life. (yes its a statement not a question) I go to school (sometimes late) and thats about it. I have a presentation due on Friday which I haven started but I'm not too worried (when will I be really). Its not even that I'm not interested in what I'm studying. Maybe I just rather be sit there thinking about fluff and stuff. I knew I should have kept to my philosophy major plans.
Not to be a bitch or anything but why do the IHG TMs need to msg me on a daily basis and why do all of them require different sets of information.
Alright I am going out in search of some Koi and yami yoghurt. (Shuck I feel a bubble of nugget craving blossoming.) and I am bringing with me Feminist Theatre Practise: A handbook.
Labels: everyday nonsense, NUS
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/29/2010 01:16:00 PM
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Tuesday, September 28
Scars remind us where we’ve been. They don’t have to dictate where we’re going.
- Agent David Rossi (Criminal Minds)
I guess the above quote is especially apt for my friend XY whom I spent an awesome evening with. So awesome in fact, that it even put me in the mood for going for floorball (which really hurt my wrist so I came up with a lame project meeting excuse and went to Shears on pretext of obtaining some TS notes from Juni but in actual fact to gossip a bit about our coursemates whom I don't really care about come to think of it)
Yesterday, I heard a comment that was many levels up from the "freaking bowling ball" comment in a not so pleasant way. It was a wtf/nabei moment. (don't ask. I haven thought of a polite enough response)
Yesterday, for some reason, I also cursed a little too much and ate more lotus seeds (I have two in my mouth right this instant at 2 am) than what would have been healthy.
But yesterday marked the end of my Ramayana project group and me being at the bottom of that food chain so I went on a > $200 shopping spree that I still stubbornly refuse to regret.
I guess my happy, carefree state is kind of expensive to upkeep haha.
Labels: (:, everyday nonsense
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/28/2010 01:57:00 AM
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Thursday, September 23
"It’s like riding a bicycle. You never forget."
-Mr. Krabs (Spongebob Squarepants)
So I was going to tell you about what a good day I had running away from life and work and things that bug. That it was a good day with a slow lunch and chill session and a pleasant walk back in the slight drizzle and a good time at tpy with my childhood memories and a good day walking pretty much everywhere and a good time spent with myself with no concern if I'm real or fake or what I want or need or pretty much anything really.
And then, there has to be an "and then".
My sixth sense has a history of being disgustingly accurate, so it will do me a great deal of good to acknowledge it instead of packing it into a pretty box and shoving it into a strangers bag, hoping against all logical thoughts that I am (unlikely) wrong.
Oh but I did have a good time today, I remember the overhead bridges my bestfriend and I used to love and as I crossed one today I was kind of smiling on my own which I feel is the simplest sort of happiness. And if not for that fact it had been pouring, I would have sat there and watched the cars go by below.
Labels: everyday nonsense, stargazing
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/23/2010 12:19:00 AM
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Tuesday, September 21
Today is my fifth lunchless day but I told Qiaozhi I'll stop making my body guess (please body, are you actually worried you might not have enough reserves to tide you through anything?) so I've been contemplating a maggie mee for the past half an hour. Somehow, I'm not even tempted which is so weird because my middle name is greedy.
Labels: everyday nonsense
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/21/2010 05:26:00 PM
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This picture was taken kind of randomly but it really means quite a lot to me. Everything that happened on that day did. But this best exemplifies "the best thing about a picture is that it never changes, even when the people in it do."(Andy Warhol) Oh well, glad I met her anyway.