Thursday, September 30
This is probably my favourite rugby picture of all time
Labels: rugby
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/30/2010 03:22:00 AM
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16) I used to be able to sleep with endless about of noise (I think still can) and amidst my sunwukong dialogue but I don't think I have that ability anymore. :/
Labels: random
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/30/2010 03:11:00 AM
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14) I need to start studying in the day because I actually cannot see at night.
15) I need to get my eyes checked out sometime in the near future. And eat more carrots.
Labels: random
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/30/2010 02:40:00 AM
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Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. -- Sidney J. Harris
Brillant quote from Belle (okay from Harris really) that I wanted to like but twitter doesnt have that function to feed your ego. Also timely advice for Jack.
I am actually feeling kindda good about myself because I finally finished my presentation proposal which was overdue by 1 week. And it took me about 10 mins to scour the content pages of my books + enlist the help of bff's wiki and goog. So its just damn shitty how I really should have done it early. Oh but this was supposed to be about why I'm feeling good. I think the fact that my 10 am class tomorrow is a level 2000 soci mod contributes. Because all that is required of me is to sit there and blend into the chair instead of having my lecturer bore into me as I struggle to get an intelligent word into my coursemates rapid fire of even more intelligent words. And class participation is 20%, so maybe you all should be thankful you guys have midterms instead of regular weekly inspection and insect-faces.
Oh well anyway, today you get 10 random facts about me. Or more because I'm in a chatty mood.
2) I've always thought
this Newsy.com reporter is quite handsome.
4) I think using the ipad as a replacement for a labtop is freaking retarded because I don't believe you actually prefer a touch screen typing thing to a keyboard. And no, you don't look cool. (just realized my facts are not so random because they are kind of related)
5) I went out for supper with Gracie to HK cafe only to eat maggimee with luncheon meat.
6) My 400m sprint to meet Qiu at Bishan stadium today was probably my PB.
7) My pectoral muscles are killing me
8) I forgot to bring tape today so I had to tape my wrist with electrical tape which not only made me look really stupid but made my hand numb as well.
9) My stitch mouse is given to my by Daryl when he went Japan (and we used to be close)
10) I must remember to bring my mouthguard for training tomorrow.
11) After reading
this, I pledge to switch off all useless electrical appliances when I'm not in my room. And to switch off my comp when I'm sleeping.
12) It would be so nice if someone will open and close all doors for me because my wrist actually hurts everytime I do.
13) I am gonna watch 公主嫁到 till I fall asleep (don't worry, I will set my smart mac on auto shut down)
Labels: NUS, random
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/30/2010 01:59:00 AM
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Wednesday, September 29
And as usual I'm still in my hall room after 2 hours of doing completely nothing, pondering about life and if I should actually have some lunch because nothing within my 10 busstop radius interests me and I'm slightly (make that very) lazy to get out of my comfy hall clothes so maybe I should just use the time to take a nap instead.
So where does school work really factor in my life. (yes its a statement not a question) I go to school (sometimes late) and thats about it. I have a presentation due on Friday which I haven started but I'm not too worried (when will I be really). Its not even that I'm not interested in what I'm studying. Maybe I just rather be sit there thinking about fluff and stuff. I knew I should have kept to my philosophy major plans.
Not to be a bitch or anything but why do the IHG TMs need to msg me on a daily basis and why do all of them require different sets of information.
Alright I am going out in search of some Koi and yami yoghurt. (Shuck I feel a bubble of nugget craving blossoming.) and I am bringing with me Feminist Theatre Practise: A handbook.
Labels: everyday nonsense, NUS
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/29/2010 01:16:00 PM
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Posted a picture of this neoprint but I'm posting it again cause it makes me feel abit happier inside when I look at it. Yes, i am 22 and talking about the joys of neoprints.
Labels: (:
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/29/2010 12:28:00 PM
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Tuesday, September 28
Scars remind us where we’ve been. They don’t have to dictate where we’re going.
- Agent David Rossi (Criminal Minds)
I guess the above quote is especially apt for my friend XY whom I spent an awesome evening with. So awesome in fact, that it even put me in the mood for going for floorball (which really hurt my wrist so I came up with a lame project meeting excuse and went to Shears on pretext of obtaining some TS notes from Juni but in actual fact to gossip a bit about our coursemates whom I don't really care about come to think of it)
Yesterday, I heard a comment that was many levels up from the "freaking bowling ball" comment in a not so pleasant way. It was a wtf/nabei moment. (don't ask. I haven thought of a polite enough response)
Yesterday, for some reason, I also cursed a little too much and ate more lotus seeds (I have two in my mouth right this instant at 2 am) than what would have been healthy.
But yesterday marked the end of my Ramayana project group and me being at the bottom of that food chain so I went on a > $200 shopping spree that I still stubbornly refuse to regret.
I guess my happy, carefree state is kind of expensive to upkeep haha.
Labels: (:, everyday nonsense
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/28/2010 01:57:00 AM
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Monday, September 27
And Shuwen/babe (cause thats what she likes to be called) came in from the room of Renji demanding to be photoboothed and insisting I listen to her collection of hipz songs, out of which my favourite is "Officially missing you" because that is true.
Labels: love you
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/27/2010 01:52:00 AM
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Sunday, September 26
Let go and let God
But sometimes, I feel like its easier to let God and then let go. I don't think theres a right and wrong so long as I know whos in charge. Gracie once told me something that changed my Christian life forever (not that I have had a rich history of Christian life to begin with). It went something along the lines of when people come before God, He wants us to leave our burdens at the cross. Which is exactly what we do when we go to church, so in that short (sometimes it doesnt feel so short, especially when you are hungry in the morning) 2 hours, we cast all our cares at the cross and surround ourself with worships and with assurance that God holds us and loves us. But once we leave, we habitually retrieve our the burdens. And then proceed to begin our stressed mortal life for one more week before the next service.
I don't think this necessarily refers to church habits. Its something that happens daily to so many. We pray, lift up our worries, ask for health for our friends, and then upon "amen", we (okay, at least I) instantaneously forget that everything has been seen to and proceed to worry and fret all over again.
I constantly pray for abounding faith, for a true anchor in my God, but for now, I all I have is a firm belief in Him and His love for me. I cannot defend my faith against "How do you explain evolution?" and "So if I dont believe in God will I necessarily go to hell?". As with I cannot explain if my God is so good, why is He not healing my shoulder and wrist the moment I ask him to (I have not anyways). But I believe. I believe He died for me and I believe He loves me and I believe because everything I've been through I have been so well equipped with people by my side that have blessed me with abounding love. And that is the reason for my faith- love. Maybe one day I will set myself down and turn all biblical and quote Matthew, John and Luke as evidence for every iota of His love (not possible for "The love of God is greater far/ Than tongue or pen can ever tell"), but for now, I am content to know that my Abba, My Father, he loves me forever- my futures secure in His hands (:
Today I went to church on time for the first time in a long time and I was disappointed to know that it was Pastor Leelian who was preaching because Pastor Prince was doing his usually busy pastory things. Everytime Pastor Leelian preaches, I feel so cheated that I came all the way and fought through the crowd just to listen to her. Yes, I'm not a fan- I feel like she tries too hard and the way she emulates Pastor Prince's style is just too artificial and her jokes aren't half funny. So whenever she takes over the mike, I do my best to recall what I heard at Grace's church about how its not who and how the person is delivering the word that matters, but its how THE WORD matters (oh and it makes no difference in Grace's church. They are all equally boring.) so as to quell the bubbles of irritation foaming up within me.
But today, she said something that touched me so much I had to hold back tears so that the rather handsome guy in the nice pink Paul Smith shirt wouldn't have to wake up from his extremely uncomfortable nap. Something about how when we feel alone and ready to fall apart and we think that no one remembers us, someone is always around. Someone always willing to listen, protect, heal and love. And at that moment, it was like God whispered to me "I remember you".
Pastor Leelian (new impression of her btw) then asked us to raise our hands and offer one of our worries to God. (Mine was simply a name) After which, she said not to worry about it anymore, because God has received it and he will take care of it. Its not so much she said it, but I truly felt it. All the "How you've been draining me of my energy, how I want so much to care but can't, how I don't know where our relationship is going, how I want so much to be part of your life while simultaneously wishing you weren't part of mine, how I don't know where to go from here" in that one moment I gave it all up. And I felt Him receiving it.
Yes so service was good. (:
To my secular friends, if I've bored you sufficiently, I'm sharing some of my photobooth pictures with you so you don't feel too cheated by this entry haha.
The only picture I managed to save from my old mac before it crashed. I don't know why its only this one either, but it holds so much hall memories.
The picture I took while waiting for my flight from New York to Vancouver- my first flight all alone, and I made my way from my hotel to the sub to the bus and to the airport at like 3 am in the morning. After which I sat waiting at the cafeteria talking to Yilin because my then boyfriend wasn't even keen to accompany me online when I was all alone in the foreignest of lands.
Taken at the UCSB basketball court when the 3 of us sat there and waited for the boys who were playing basketball (the kind loser team gets out and anyone who could form a team could join the game) for 2 hours or so. That was when I decided I'm not the kind of girl who would sit around waiting for a man to go about his business.
Angbow day with my favourite shirt.
I remember the days of us buying textbooks, convinced that new books will motivate us to study (big fat fail). And yes, this book remains unopened on my shelf.
The person who likes to play with my Photobooth when I'm sleeping and yet pretends that she thinks photobooth is childish.
What I want to say now (but really should be going to sleep instead)
Labels: love you, random, YOU (:
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/26/2010 10:57:00 PM
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I think my sister is the cutest baby I've ever seen. (:
Labels: love you
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/26/2010 02:32:00 AM
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"Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be."
— Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)
I'm in no way disturbed that you have such a 'secret', I'm just regretful that I was such an inadequate friend so much so that despite so long, you were never comfortable enough to tell me.
Being at home gives me this sense of false security and bliss as I waddle around in (yes, still) my candy cane pajamas.
Labels: love you, random
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/26/2010 01:39:00 AM
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Saturday, September 25
Was just talking (okay listening) to Matt about the past 8 years of his life when he worked in SEA and I'm impressed. It sounds like something I completely want to do.
Oddly enough I cannot remember the context of this picture but I ironically like it because everyone is secretly sulking but me. well okay, so the kids are openly sulking but thats alright they're not my favourites anyway. hahaha
I'm reminded of my Village Slang days I would give so much to go back to. To my Songha and the iced coffee that must be diabetic and the green bean soya bean and the kayak that will never (contrary to what the kids believe) float for more than 3 m with 6 of us on board.
Labels: (:
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/25/2010 01:02:00 PM
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"you should never give yourself a chance to fall apart because, when you do, it becomes a tendency and it happens over and over again. You must practice staying strong, instead."
- Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, pray, love)
Not so much that it might begin to become a habit, but I'm more worried that I don't even know who will be there if I should fall apart anyway. Not that I need to fall apart, I'm just saying haha
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/25/2010 01:45:00 AM
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Oh, my project is coming along nicely and tomorrow marks the last of our 9am meetings I cannot emphasize how liberated I will soon be feeling. (:
I had a lot to say as I was walking back from my early night run, but I really had better go run through the plains of India in my dreams before it comes out in a cacophony.
Labels: random
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/25/2010 01:01:00 AM
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Friday, September 24
My very sweet neighbour just texted me to ask me if I was sleeping so that she can offer me "something very nice so that I wont feel sleepy". Its the small things like this thats just so sweet and make me feel like theres so much in life I forget to be grateful for. (:
Labels: (:
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/24/2010 12:52:00 AM
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If you had treated me as such say 3 months ago, things would be so, so different. Oh well. Its not the same, but better late than never (:
Labels: (:
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/24/2010 12:45:00 AM
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And if I fall
I’ll never fade
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/24/2010 12:41:00 AM
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Thursday, September 23
不想拥有太多情绪
Not the song I'm listening to, but totally the words I'm looking for.
And the weird thing is I actually want to take my nighty run because its so therapeutic but tonight I dont have enough socks. Okay the truth is I'm truly worn.
Labels: ):
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/23/2010 11:10:00 PM
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"It’s amazing. Some people, they just say these small little things, one sentence and it changed the way you feel about them in an instant. Small little words that can hurt you so much or make you fall deeply in love forever. It changes everything, nothing between you is ever really the same again, even if they dont know it, it still happens."
It could be amazing, depressing or plain annoying.
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/23/2010 12:51:00 PM
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Ok I was kind of lying- you still get me down.
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/23/2010 12:09:00 PM
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如果你快乐 不是为我
Today marks the start of I-will-not-let-anything-get-me-down days. (:
Labels: (:
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/23/2010 03:28:00 AM
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"It’s like riding a bicycle. You never forget."
-Mr. Krabs (Spongebob Squarepants)
So I was going to tell you about what a good day I had running away from life and work and things that bug. That it was a good day with a slow lunch and chill session and a pleasant walk back in the slight drizzle and a good time at tpy with my childhood memories and a good day walking pretty much everywhere and a good time spent with myself with no concern if I'm real or fake or what I want or need or pretty much anything really.
And then, there has to be an "and then".
My sixth sense has a history of being disgustingly accurate, so it will do me a great deal of good to acknowledge it instead of packing it into a pretty box and shoving it into a strangers bag, hoping against all logical thoughts that I am (unlikely) wrong.
Oh but I did have a good time today, I remember the overhead bridges my bestfriend and I used to love and as I crossed one today I was kind of smiling on my own which I feel is the simplest sort of happiness. And if not for that fact it had been pouring, I would have sat there and watched the cars go by below.
Labels: everyday nonsense, stargazing
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/23/2010 12:19:00 AM
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Wednesday, September 22
怎么去拥有一道彩虹, 怎么去拥抱一夏天的风? ((:
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/22/2010 07:28:00 PM
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My perfect 'Monday' peace is disrupted by because I was greeted with
this piece of news on my homepage. I don't know very much about the physicalities of the world or the science of things but a biblical miracle
is a biblical miracle in itself. I find it somewhat insulting that people have to cite evidence such as wind speed and or depth of water to say that it "may have been possible" that Moses actually parted the seas.
Miracles are unexplainable, divine intervention, I dont think we should try to make it part of this world.
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/22/2010 03:45:00 PM
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"So sadness is a place?" Giovanni asked.
"Some people live there for years" I said.
-Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/22/2010 12:26:00 AM
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"I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken - and I’d rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived."-Margaret Mitchell
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/22/2010 12:06:00 AM
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Tuesday, September 21
Today is my fifth lunchless day but I told Qiaozhi I'll stop making my body guess (please body, are you actually worried you might not have enough reserves to tide you through anything?) so I've been contemplating a maggie mee for the past half an hour. Somehow, I'm not even tempted which is so weird because my middle name is greedy.
Labels: everyday nonsense
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/21/2010 05:26:00 PM
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L'abbiamo rotto
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/21/2010 12:17:00 PM
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And I hope you know He loves you too.
Sylvia came running over with her strawberry pillow, I'm loved for sure. (:
Labels: love you
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/21/2010 02:46:00 AM
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“He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.”
-Elbert Hubbard
Todays one night I don't feel too good on my own. Especially since I can't even close the door with ease. I struggled to open it then I struggled to lock it then I struggled to unlock it, now I'm struggling to untie my hair and yes I'm struggling to be a man about my injuries. What a baby, yes.
Labels: everyday nonsense
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/21/2010 01:39:00 AM
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Monday, September 20
I want to wear knee high socks and run around somewhere!
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/20/2010 05:37:00 PM
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Saturday, September 18
I am too weak to be your cure.Gotta tackle and catch them all.
You've outstayed your welcome, I want something new for my thoughts to wend.
Labels: rugby, stargazing
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/18/2010 10:37:00 PM
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NUS lost to NTU but I guess theres much to be learnt anyway and Shin is such an awesome pressense. Oh well, I'm not really a fan of crying over something someone else deserves more than you.
I'm suddenly scared because I was actually bored by all the handball talk today.
有时候我在想: 陪在你身旁是爱你, 还是爱上陪伴
Labels: handball
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/18/2010 02:06:00 AM
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Friday, September 17
你说一个人的美丽是认真
两个人能在一起是缘份
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/17/2010 05:15:00 AM
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Oh I just remembered something that came up today and how it STILL makes me feel shitty and I don't quite know what to make of this. This is pointless.
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/17/2010 12:52:00 AM
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I need you to really go over the limit so I can get out of the "I feel bad" state and move on to the "I dont care about you anymore" state because I'm not the 提得起放得下 sort. I hope its soon cause 长痛不如短痛, and well, I've honestly had enough of feeling bad.
Aside, I guess I'm sorry for you but 勉强是没有幸福的 and pointing your finger at the world/her isnt gonna make you any more self-actualized.
(I tried to make this post completely in english but it sounded abit too formal and too dolorous haha)
Labels: stargazing
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/17/2010 12:30:00 AM
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Thursday, September 16
I'm not asking
For everything
But sure I could
Use a handGame against the national girls was painful, literally since the grass cuts on my knees are stinging still.
A shuffle full of Belle's emo songs and the seemingly endless stretch on the track (thanks to my poor night vision). For that one moment, only me, my shallow breathing and my thoughts that werent really thoughts mattered. I should consider making this a nightly affair. Its not that I'm emo or what, at least I dont really think so, I'm not clueless, but I'm not too sure. Oh wells.
I think you're too easily influenced. I'm not sure if I'm okay with that.
Labels: everyday nonsense, NUS
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/16/2010 04:04:00 AM
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Wednesday, September 15
Guess I spoke too soon cause the words are starting to jump at me and I have to now readjust all my alarms back to 8am once again. :/
Labels: NUS
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/15/2010 02:45:00 AM
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Some random things can make you smile while reading SC2216 at 2am. Oh and its kind of sad, but I'm so happy that tmr my alarm is set for 940am instead of what has come to be the usual 8 am.
Labels: love you, NUS
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/15/2010 02:00:00 AM
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Tuesday, September 14
Do I want you to know or do I want to know or what is it that I really want and will I get what I want and what if I don't?
Talking to Sheryl Barrel made my unsettleness so much more settled. (:
Labels: love you, stargazing
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/14/2010 04:04:00 AM
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若现实它总教人更加悲伤 就让我在回忆里继续梦幻
I am one small step away from goodbye. (really?)
Today, I led the life of a normal everyday hardworking student who didnt eat supper. haha (: I wish I have it in me to do this all the time. It was good with the old people, but the handball woes are coming back. Don't quite know what to make of it so lets not go there.
I feel like a tittle, is that okay?
Labels: handball, NUS, stargazing
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/14/2010 01:35:00 AM
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Monday, September 13
I was having such a good day of yesterday. Then a series of I-AM-STUPID events hit and it was bleeh from there. But at least I'm now somewhat done with the sai gang my grp has so kindly assigned me (the tedious kind that gives you no credit but all the "how come you're so lazy-s") and come 1pm later, I will possibly be the happiest person in NUS.
Don't think its so much because of actual events that happened but more like everything I gathered from subauditions. HOKAY. too much for 3am.
I'm breaking out in rashes, I think I'm allergic to my own stupidity.
Labels: NUS, random
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/13/2010 02:53:00 AM
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I don't know lah.
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/13/2010 01:47:00 AM
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Sunday, September 12
I don't know why, but there are just some people I always feel proud of and happy for. (:
Labels: love you
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/12/2010 01:33:00 AM
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Saturday, September 11
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/11/2010 03:07:00 PM
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I wasn't gonna blog, but today Sylvia gave me this cross pendant and that was such a sweet gesture I am actually really touched. She got one for herself too to remind us that we're in this world together, and shes so nice, I am completely put to shame. I don't think this paragraph adequately explains it all, but I am truly touched and this is coming from someone who takes everything and everyone for granted.
I had an awesome day at Marina Bay Sand's infinity pool and hanging around like the holidays are here. :) Also today I finally bought Hamlet that I'm supposed to have read about 3 weeks ago, but I'm putting it aside for some Eat Pray Love tonight. (So random, but I'm sure you're used to it.)
Oh and if I (very unfortunately) ever burn this bridge called Christabelle, I hope I will think of her at least once every year on Hari Raya.
Labels: everyday nonsense, love you
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/11/2010 02:21:00 AM
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Friday, September 10
Because dreams are the wishes your heart makes that have yet to come true. And you never know if they ever would.
Its scary for me because my dreams are a very accurate reflection of my conscious being.
Labels: stargazing
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/10/2010 04:11:00 AM
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Thursday, September 9
She had to drop such a sweet text and I had to wake up and cry a bit upon hearing her voice. Its not tears of sadness or happiness or anything really.
I wonder how many people actually know that they've made me cry. And I wonder how many of them actually care.
Would be appropriate for a discourse on why people/ I cry here but I need to sleep so that I can get to Soci of Emotions class tomorrow so that I can gain abit more understanding into my increasingly complex being.
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/09/2010 04:09:00 AM
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Mamihlapinatapei : 9/09/2010 03:47:00 AM
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"My heart skipped a beat and then flat-out tripped over itself and fell on its face."
-Eat Pray Love (Elizabeth Gilbert)
Sometimes my feelings eludes words/logic. Sometimes things aren't wrong but they don't feel right. Its the whole limbo feeling- the I'm not sure if I should be feeling this way if its okay to let someone know I feel this way and if I should stop feeling this way.
Oh and I failed my driving again, and whoever who said third times the charm probably had good intentions but I guess should know that its not really that case in my life. For the first time in my life the hard-work-does-guarantee-results situation is occurring for me. I'm not as sad as I should be though. Its just a pain in the butt to know that the whole trouble and stressful process has STILL yet to come to an end.
I wonder if my fingers are ever gonna heal completely in the near future, just as I wonder if my foot is completely healed.
I love it when random people/things/songs charm me (:
Labels: driving, random, stargazing
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/09/2010 02:42:00 AM
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Tuesday, September 7
Sometimes, I buy pretty (or cheap) clothes that dont look good on me, wear them out, realize I shouldn't and promise myself not to wear it again. But the next time I look at it, I will still wear it again.
I adopt a similar attitude towards people.
Labels: random
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/07/2010 01:21:00 PM
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I'll have to think about that later.
I'm weird that way. I not only procrastinate things, but thoughts as well.
Random thoughts:
1. What is Andrew Boey STILL doing in hall?
2. I think it is stupid that on top of pasting the IHG trials flyer outside EVERY door, SMC is also pasting it on every notice board, communal door, toilet door, toilet, and basically everywhere they can find. I mean it is already hard enough to miss it outside your door you know.
Labels: love you, stargazing
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/07/2010 02:55:00 AM
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“She always had that about her, that look of otherness, of eyes that see things much too far, and of thoughts that wander off the edge of the world.”- The girl with no shadow
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/07/2010 01:04:00 AM
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If I could find you now, things would get better.We would leave this town and run forever.
The cheapest flight out of this town for 4 days during the recess week is $150 to Vietnam (and I just remembered that I'm slightly fearful of hotel rooms). This run away plan is still on the drawing board.
Had the worst driving session today, saw a disgusted instructor's face for the first time in a long time.
And lunch with poks is so therapeutic, I need to stop the afternoon naps and start meeting these joys more often.
Labels: driving, everyday nonsense, love you
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/07/2010 12:01:00 AM
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Monday, September 6
You're the only one who can make me tear as I message you. Not a good or bad thing. Just a thing.
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/06/2010 04:19:00 AM
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People ask me if I'm okay like it is an easy question to answer.
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/06/2010 03:47:00 AM
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Nobody here is perfectly fine.
A delicate frame, a fragile design
I had a much better Sunday than I expected. So why is it that even though I keep having good days and end up feeling shitty as it comes to a close because of nothing in particular.
Its the whole feeling of having so much and yet nothing to say. Maybe sometimes we don't say things because saying them convinces not only others but yourself. It make me feel like my inner thoughts come to life and instead of just habouring a possible thought, I now articulate a tangible want/opinion that opens myself up to judgement from other and, much more importantly, myself.
Could be the too much to do and a too unmotivated self, or the inadequacy all over again, or the mounting sense that I'm one of those people who cannot maintain a proper relationship of any sort. And above all, its the questioning if its time to leave everything in good humour.
I want to have one fucking good cry (about nothing in particular) and feel like I'm me again.
I am stuffing all my dried clothes back into my laundry kong because I'm think its time to lay the thoughts and go to sleep because nothing can confound me there.
Labels: stargazing
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/06/2010 02:32:00 AM
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Sunday, September 5
I've been listening to the same song for the past hr but thankfully I dont think my neighbour minds because she is a Jaychou fan (and therefore I assume she is cool with chinese songs).
穿過陌生人潮搜尋你的臉
Labels: everyday nonsense
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/05/2010 01:52:00 AM
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Quick note before I have to crash because I geh kiang 'wanna' go play IFG tmr at 830am (what a completely unacceptable timing). I remember in yr 1 being in soccer and canoe polo IVP and thinking that IVP teams are purely competitive and friendships do not exist if you cease to come for training (clearly said by a vice-captain). Following which I ditched both teams and joined handball because of my friends and although it was fun then, aside from the original hall friends and BoBella, I dont think I really became close with anyone in the team.
And that is why I am really surprised at how far the rugby girls have come to now be able to squeeze on the same bed and play water captains ball with so much enthusiasm. I LOVE NUS RUGBY GIRLS. (:
Its also good to suddenly feel like I'm important to you all over again.
And random (okay maybe not so random) thought from yesterday- The irony of life is that it is so predictably ironic. I sense this whole secret drama unfolding.
So yup, I had one of the best days in a long time and おやすみなさい for now! (Yes, I have been talking to Snorelax-san)
Labels: love you, NUS, rugby
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/05/2010 01:12:00 AM
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Friday, September 3
We all have bad days. And I fully deserve mine today. Not that it's bad cause lunch and nap(yes i broke my afternoon nap fast) with fellow pikachu was delightul and even class wasn't so bad though I was falling alseep when we were supposed to make various facial expression and mine as perpetually stuck at half-alive. But driving (I detest driving in any tired state), and ifg (serve me right) and ha outing later (i don't think I can last, gonna have to face the "I knew you will pangsae" comments again). I hate the feeling of having so much on my plate. But yes I fully deserve it and am not entittled to whine. I really should direct efforts to praying instead.
Ah well.
And I suddenly remembered what my afternoon dream was about.
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/03/2010 04:28:00 PM
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Thursday, September 2
就这样被你征服
切断了所有退路
我的心情是坚固
我的决定是糊涂
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/02/2010 01:13:00 PM
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This set of pictures was taken at the abandoned 6 flags amusement park in New Orleans, and I am completely smitten :D I wish there was exploration worthy places in Singapore I would set out with my Nikon and a good pal in hand and take some pretty pictures just because.
Today, I was overwhelmed at my first ever DP auditions as I struggle to touch base with my underdeveloped psychomotor side. Not one of the best experience, but it was pretty funny so I guess I can understand all those incredulous mocking looks. Oh well. (and as I was typing this the perpetrator Jingfang came through my door and lay with me on my bed cause shes having insomnia that poor girl. And that is why even though it scares the crap out of me when ppl open my door without knocking especially in the middle of the night, I guess Jingfang always get her special way haha)
What would you do if you sense the premorse of holding on? And so the cycle begins all over again.
I'm sorry for sounding dolorous again. But I'm REALLY having good days, except this one piece of news that looks set to haunt me for awhile.
Labels: Eusoff, photography, stargazing
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/02/2010 02:36:00 AM
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Wednesday, September 1
That would be nice. To skip the whole bout of uncertainty, the whole healing process, and to just forget it all. So escapist, but so convenient.
Labels: stargazing
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/01/2010 12:09:00 PM
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And she cracks me up so hard sometimes, my bbe, the fastest forward of today and NUS number 1 center all in one. (:
It was heartening to know that we are growing as a team and its about time to exploit on our strengths. Can't wait for SUNIG actually, even though winning is definitely not a given. Its like when I used to play those computer games, you know when you reach the boss stage and you dont really know if you can win even though you've been doing pretty well all this time. I'm not that competitive really, but since we've put in so much effort, its only fair to the team if everyone goes all out. So yes, I'm excited to see if we can take the pressure from the full contact team of 7s.
I hate to think that I've become a person whos so judgmental its kind of disgusting. IFG is totally starting to gross me out because instead of fun, friendly games, now I find myself stuck in between cocky minahs, people who act like the next big thing (when secretly I am just waiting for her to trip on the ball because she spends more time talking to the friend beside her anyways), and this youthful, pure annoying, act cute manner that constantly gets on my nerves. People seem to think I am of the "bubbly kind" and I should be able to fit in wherever. I have yet to get my head around that matter because I truly thought I burst my bubble some years ago and allowed my cynical nature to take over. So maybe you think I am the pot calling the kettle black, I dont care actually. Just because I annoy you doesn't mean people cannot annoy me. And maybe my temper has deteriorated or I am being the stuck up one here. But so what really, "Go for honours" (the arts IFG motto, Yes, we have a motto) really means nothing to me. I rather play social touch/anything with my friends.
But then its hella irresponsible to throw a tantrum and walk away so once again I trap myself in another series of obligations.
Did I mention I hate obligations? The feeling of I have to do something because I should/you think I should/ I owe it to you. I want to do things because I want to do them, but then again in life, you don't always get what you want? I might be whining here (I hereby pledge to cut down on whining before it starts becoming definitive of me), oh well, theres always bbe. (: (and other friends too of course, bbe is just for effect haha)
Labels: everyday nonsense, love you, rugby
Mamihlapinatapei : 9/01/2010 02:47:00 AM
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And Shuwen/babe (cause thats what she likes to be called) came in from the room of Renji demanding to be photoboothed and insisting I listen to her collection of hipz songs, out of which my favourite is "Officially missing you" because that is true.
Oddly enough I cannot remember the context of this picture but I ironically like it because everyone is secretly sulking but me. well okay, so the kids are openly sulking but thats alright they're not my favourites anyway. hahaha
Because dreams are the wishes your heart makes that have yet to come true. And you never know if they ever would.
