Thursday, January 27
I'm excited about Hongkong mainly because its going to be awesome (:
I hereby promise never to act all travel smart and buy as little luggage space as possible because I am an overpacker but so what (I carry also not you carry) and I should stop apologizing for it (except to my parents haha). That and guess who has everything you need (and more) when you most need it? (:
Labels: (:, rugby
Mamihlapinatapei : 1/27/2011 02:24:00 AM
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Wednesday, January 26
I haven't slept on a pile of fresh laundered clothes in a long time, but my body is truly aching and I am truly cracking.
And you can confirm that the night isn't meant to be yours when you trip holding a bunch of stuff and are forced to break your fall with your injured wrist and 2 minutes later, cut your finger on your TOOTHBRUSH.
Mamihlapinatapei : 1/26/2011 03:15:00 AM
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We keep going around and round in circles,/ Going down, down, downWe keep talking about the same old things, / We keep covering the same old ground.
And the best part is the failure to learn from past experiences.
Its awesome what one run, one cool Kaihui and one course of rain can do to make the night all beautiful again.
Labels: (:
Mamihlapinatapei : 1/26/2011 02:08:00 AM
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Monday, January 24
They need to invent a word for an emotion that is a combination of a slight satisfaction, excitement, unsettleness, inertia, fear, loneliness, disappointment and peace.
Was gonna say how I think it is possible for me to survive tomorrow on a 4 hour sleep diet courtesy of xiexieying and TS4218, but then I remember that theres contact training that no longer excites me as much due to the lack of favourite old friends and coach. Most probably a phase, and its about time to move on.
The whole stuck in a not-last-year-and-not-really-but-most-probably-last-chance limbo is just odd in a not too pleasant way.
I don't think "baby dinosaur" is a compliment in anyway.
Labels: Eusoff
Mamihlapinatapei : 1/24/2011 01:48:00 AM
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Sunday, January 23
The world is waiting with breath that is bated.
And I couldn't cry just because we couldn't win, not like that.
Labels: handball
Mamihlapinatapei : 1/23/2011 12:15:00 AM
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Saturday, January 22
5 months of (dismal) preparations over in 5 mins with 5 different emotions running through me even now. No more whining about dance and no more thinking I can't dance. You know how cliched it is when people say its tough but it'll be worth it? I say its wasn't as tough on hindsight and it was more than worth it. (:
But where do the costumes go now that the curtains have gone down? I've unpackaged the flowers and put them in my 'vase', but where do they go on from here?
Nothing pensive, 5 hours to prepare (highly inadequate, I need about 17 hrs of sleep at least) for the handball finals and maybe I'll shelf my dance identity properly tomorrow. (:
Labels: dance, Eusoff, handball
Mamihlapinatapei : 1/22/2011 02:46:00 AM
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Friday, January 21
Deepee is today oh my gosh gosh gosh. Till now, I still think me dancing is something like Park's interest in Brothers of Metal and Sisters of steel and the Elixer's random performance during the intermission - completely uncalled for and absolutely bizarre. Haha, but hey, if I can pull tomorrow off, I will know I can do anything while conquering the world.
A cup of wheatgrass juice after a successful full run and an oddly enjoyable handball training and a DOUBLE fishofillet: couldnt be happier. (:
Labels: (:, dance
Mamihlapinatapei : 1/21/2011 02:41:00 AM
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Thursday, January 20
It's really quite a pleasant experience having hours to laze around while waiting for that oh so precious 4 mins or so. It's just a bit (a whole load actually) lonely (and hungry). My friends are here, so I'm not too sure what's this sudden gripping sense of childlike loneliness about, but I need a hug and a savoury something.
Labels: dance
Mamihlapinatapei : 1/20/2011 05:44:00 PM
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Will have to have one of this to curl up in at some point of time in my future.
And another dreadful match, or is it because the distance seems further when you're heading to the ground? Nah, it could really just be us. Or whatever. I never have time to do any proper life reflection anymore because I never have time to do anything properly anymore. So maybe being stuck at the UCC in preparation for my first and last DP for the next two days might come as a relief. Or whatever really, because as Plato says “Opinion is the medium between knowledge and ignorance”. No, this paragraph is disjointed and random, just the way life is. Yes, too much theatre of the Absurdist for me.
Noteworthy moments of the day include:
1) The AYS bet that was over so fast before we even begun.
2) In response to ameen's fast service today, Aileen said: "Wah today every lousy thing on fire"
3) Gracie's facebook hb msg
4) All my friends and their problem maids
Labels: handball, random
Mamihlapinatapei : 1/20/2011 01:41:00 AM
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Wednesday, January 19
She cracks me up (:
Labels: (:, love you, random
Mamihlapinatapei : 1/19/2011 01:51:00 AM
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Tuesday, January 18
Come to think of it, its never, never enough.
Labels: handball
Mamihlapinatapei : 1/18/2011 01:51:00 AM
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Monday, January 17
I'm trying to count the things that are going right instead those that aren't. But so far, and it's only 11.12am mind you, I've made a wasted trip to wcp in hopes getting myself some of the best fish and chips in town, settled for pastamania (that just serve me cold tortellini as I was typing this. I sent it straight back), got arm twisted to go for freaking 15min of dance before hb match tonight (for which my responsible captain has yet to send out meeting details) when I really don't see how the additional stress and rush for that extra 15min is going to be magical anyway (totally falls into my category of stupidity) and now I'm going to be late for kk seet because the pastamania people are having a party amongst themselves instead of heating up my tortellini. But on the bright side, at least it's sunny (now).
Mamihlapinatapei : 1/17/2011 11:19:00 AM
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Get off my stoop, I wont say it.
Mamihlapinatapei : 1/17/2011 01:13:00 AM
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Sunday, January 16
Sonic bloom.
5 days to
DP and the end of someone telling me to "run more gracefully" with my hands stuck to my sides and my fingers poised painfully in an 'effortlessly' elegant manner. I think the only reason why I'm not sacked is because I can't be at this point (or so I think).
The past week was stuffed full with so much high and lows it seems so extended I feel like it been month since I've touched a real rugby ball. And 5 more days to one times good sigh of relief and 1 week to a semblance of a proper life again.
That said, I love the handball girls so very much and that, no matter how politically incorrect it might be, is the biggest impetus for my enjoyment of the sport.
Labels: dance, Eusoff, handball, rugby
Mamihlapinatapei : 1/16/2011 11:22:00 PM
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Saturday, January 15
I probably can't claim all the credit for the dismal 12 mins we played, but I definitely deserve full shame for letting myself get stepped so grotesquely for the first time ever I believe. And to think we intended to call her "random girl".
And the day seems to get progressively dismal when I just want to crawl into bed, pretend it never happened and have myself sung to sleep.
Labels: :(, Eusoff, handball
Mamihlapinatapei : 1/15/2011 06:14:00 PM
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To begin today on another depressing note, as if I'm not already completely drained out but the mere thought of it, I just received an email about piecing toward that singled me out about 5 times and this is sincerely getting to me. And really, I don't mind being taunted, but I'm actually scared of my team taunting another.
Labels: ):, dance, Eusoff
Mamihlapinatapei : 1/15/2011 01:59:00 AM
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Friday, January 14
Opponents, not enemies.
It was like we won it all. Luck was possibly spilling from our pockets but why else would people say the ball is round? I'm just glad to be on court with girls who want it because for the longest time, there have been too many who just go through the motion and that just annoys all of me. I'm hoping this is really just an awesome start (that feels better than the end of any
ihg campaign.)
I went through the whole of my last ihg handball season feeling like I wasnt good enough for Aileen Tan, and even though its still not enough, the best part was really Aileen Tan coming up to me and telling me shes proud of me because I know shes one person who
doesn't validate based on friendship points.
And I've not been this tired since a long time ago, I think dancing at AS7 till 2am kills me more than any hours of training.
Labels: (:, dance, Eusoff, handball
Mamihlapinatapei : 1/14/2011 02:33:00 AM
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Thursday, January 13
I feel so happy looking of this picture at me being so happy hugging a random signboard on Victoria, a random Vancouver Island nobody actually needs to visit.
Labels: (:, holiday
Mamihlapinatapei : 1/13/2011 02:07:00 AM
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Its a cheshire cat and thats why it grins.Brilliant quote if you think about it (:
So weird to think that IHG is starting tomorrow. Even weirder to think I'm no longer Eusoff's 27. The weirdest of all is the presence of a slight sense of nonchalance that has replaced the counterpain massages, the wearing of long socks in A2 and the cfm games with the matric card.
But I'm enjoying this mad rush while it lasts, save the stinging pains at the corner of my eyes where crows feet will soon make their appearance due to prolonged exposure to UV freaking rays.
Labels: Eusoff, random
Mamihlapinatapei : 1/13/2011 01:44:00 AM
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Wednesday, January 12
I will only fall asleep talking to people I'm very comfortable around, and most probably like very much. Otherwise I will feel rather uneasy and/or just make my sleeping intentions clear. So if I fall asleep talking to you, well, that is really a secret compliment (which I give most often to
Kaihui)
Today reminded me of all the reasons why I quit Soccer, why I never want to eat at the Deck and why it all boils down to the mental game.
Labels: Eusoff, love you, random
Mamihlapinatapei : 1/12/2011 03:36:00 AM
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Tuesday, January 11
I did my first real bitchy act today and I paid for it with three knocks on my head on the door, table and the clothes rack thing.
And you really can't play and pretend to keep me here.
Labels: random
Mamihlapinatapei : 1/11/2011 02:41:00 AM
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Monday, January 10
Guoxing is staying in Eusoff now and random but its funny how we are 'reconnected' again.
(Not exactly referring to GX) I have this thing about how if I drift away from a person whom I would consider to have been 'close' too, I believe that 96% of the time, this person is never coming back. Its not that I no longer like the person (well, most of the time), I just think its awkward- how we re-became strangers and how we may never have as good a relationship as that of the past. Mark remains the only odd exception to this rule.
Mamihlapinatapei : 1/10/2011 03:24:00 PM
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Sunday, January 9
I still want to punch your face.
Mamihlapinatapei : 1/09/2011 11:13:00 PM
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Maybe I should sleep all this off.
Mamihlapinatapei : 1/09/2011 08:10:00 PM
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Friday, January 7
顶着烈日当空 眼底有迷雾 Mamihlapinatapei : 1/07/2011 12:04:00 AM
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Thursday, January 6
4 hours more to a 14 hour day and I still insist upon watching one more episode of sex and the city (reruns no less) because I am this willful. Holiday rest is a myth.
I wonder how you knew.
Mamihlapinatapei : 1/06/2011 04:06:00 AM
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Actually, I dislike it when people tell me to "chill" before they even hear what is exactly the problem, or if there is no problem, what I have to say. Obviously if I have something to feel about or something to say, that something matters to me and asking me to "chill" is really akin to suggesting I am not fully entitled to my entire range of emotions. I mean if I am being dramatic and all, maybe chill is the right advice, but I don't appreciate "chill" as the dismissive cure-all.
But but but, I have come to realize that I am increasingly more "chill" and I'm undecided whether that is a good thing or not. I miss the feeling of fighting for something, of being very disturbed by something, of being deliriously happy about nothing at all and above all, that spark of excitement. But now its all "anything lor", "everything goes" and "I don't really cares". I let too many things pass me by without the right dosage of emotions and I feel like its an indication of how so many things dont matter to me anymore. I need more uncertainties and definitely a sense of adventure
I've poped a fresh roll of film in my old Pentax and hopefully the sky will be a different blue tomorrow and I will stop feeling strange.
In case you didnt get me, (its okay I don't either) I am not angry or sad, I'm really just emotionally unsaturated. And really, I've been having great days. (:
Labels: random, stargazing
Mamihlapinatapei : 1/06/2011 02:51:00 AM
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Wednesday, January 5
很多时候我们需要依靠
Mamihlapinatapei : 1/05/2011 06:11:00 PM
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When what you love has gone to waste, you lose something you can't replace. That was just random. The main point is that there isn't one and that talking to Esther (Tan) about everything rugby related was fun, and that the same someone has been making my nights for many nights already. Maybe love can never go to waste, maybe it's not about how hard you try but how the process is enriching. So many maybe, maybe it's time for an "It is".
Mamihlapinatapei : 1/05/2011 03:45:00 AM
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Tuesday, January 4
“
I started thinking about honesty. Maybe the whole idea was overrated. Maybe coming clean is the ultimate selfish act: a way to absolve yourself by hurting someone who doesn’t deserve to be hurt.”
- Carrie, Sex and the City
Labels: random
Mamihlapinatapei : 1/04/2011 12:27:00 PM
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Maybe I ask too much of you, maybe the rain is kind of glorious, maybe this is about enough, maybe I could be magical on my own and maybe, just maybe, I was happier tonight that I should have been.
You know when you make a error and someone corrects you and you think you've got it corrected and insist you've got it corrected when in fact you haven't and in actuality you don't even know the error you've committed- well, that is the worst error of all.
I will never be the girly girl or an athlete or a dancer or a lotus flower, but thats okay isnt it?
Labels: stargazing
Mamihlapinatapei : 1/04/2011 02:35:00 AM
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Saturday, January 1
"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make art - write or draw or build or sing or live only as you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself."- Neil Gaiman
"Good madness" has a nice ring to it (:
The first day of my the year that will hopefully be remembered as the one extra amazing year passed rather placidly. I took a walk down old-dvds/vcds/tapes cupboard and emerged with 49 Disney collections (I'm positive I've more that got lost somewhere) and the Harry Potter dvd that I couldn't find in its cover (and promptly threw a tantrum).
When I turned 21, I announced I was leaving the 'cute' world behind and entering 'hot and sexy' avenue. Obviously I was kidding because hot and sexy avenue does not exist in my universe. But the idea was there that it was time to rid myself of random quirks and impulsive whims all in the name that I was young, fearless, and thoroughly indefatigable because every regrettable action could so easily be filed under the folly of youth. It is so easy to describe a person whos smily, happy, bubbly (yes I admit), short (tall people hardly ever qualify) and chubby (slim also can be cute lah but thats a pretty kind of cute while chubby cute is really the way to say someone is not pretty but she is a friend/seems like a nice person so you kind of are obliged to through in a half compliment). It wasn't like I just decided to be someone else (I don't even think you can ever consciously decide who you want to be) but maybe it was time to stop being so easy going and fluff-headed and stop being politically correct all the time.
I don't quite know how that is working out, but one things for sure is the increasing hours of solitude in my life, a habit that I cultivated overseas perhaps. I used to be an everybody girl but being alone especially at times when I really needed support and there was only shitty signals on the Brooklyn Bridge was a wake up call. Friends whom I'm had so much fun with never contacted me like they said they would and its not like I was disappointed or anything, but I did realize how some people are fun people to be with on a temporary basis and it was wiser to leave it at that.
I was on this train of thought and I remembered the one time had a meltdown in a random lobby the hotel-with-the-impossibly-small-rooms at Washington DC and Yilin was there for me. I still don't know if she got me then and I probably never will but she kept me sane. Maybe, I should be a bit more grateful and much less critical about people who have proven to be such support surprises.
Some people recollect their years through achievements, CAP, medals won, sporting success, stage of career, pay check, academic standing, house, number of years of relationship with partner, count down parties, where they spent most of their time etc etc. Me, I recollect my years with the aid of the people who broke and filled my heart.
Labels: home, random, stargazing
Mamihlapinatapei : 1/01/2011 11:55:00 PM
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Its awesome what one run, one cool Kaihui and one course of rain can do to make the night all beautiful again.
