Tuesday, November 30
So tomorrow I'm moving back to hall. Escapist but I dont give a shit.
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/30/2010 11:23:00 PM
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Monday, November 29
Get off my case, I won't say it.Every time I have to
msg ppl more than once or wait too long for no good reason for a reply I get damn
annoyed. Okay firstly I get a bit
paisae because it seems like I am 死缠烂打-
ing, but then I get just damn annoyed because its not that I'm being shameless here so much as you are being rude. I'm not talking
abt random
msges that
dont call for immdiate replies/ replies at all (because in all fairness I sometimes forget them as
well) but I mean messages that end with a ? (and not in a
rhetoric form) or worst, "please reply". And I have to endure crap to do you a favour too- the world is so strange I don't understand why.
Labels: did you know?
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/29/2010 11:44:00 PM
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If I can find someone who can sit in a happy silence (not just comfortable but actually happy) with me on a long bus ride to no where in particular, I hope that person will eventually be or is my partner. Also, I hope that it will be raining a nice rain outside like today. Not that I want a future forever in bus riding- I'm just saying.
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/29/2010 01:48:00 PM
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I usually lie in bed and reflect about the day on nights when I don't fall asleep instantly. I hate it when I'm going through something and suddenly a negative emotion that did not occur within me at that point of time when that event occurred comes up to me hours after. Tonight it's kind of about how I'm irrationally annoyed with somebody and myself (as usual) for my unexplainable and possibly permanent irrationality.
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/29/2010 04:39:00 AM
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Saturday, November 27
Your smile is the most genuine thing that I've ever seen.
I was so lost but now
-------------------------- I believe.
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/27/2010 11:48:00 PM
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Annoyed (not as much as I should be) because I lost both envelopes containing my Rugby and Handball club funds and before anyone belonging in those two groups start giving me the look I will make it up from my already non-existant bank account. But the point is thats really kindda scary because I'm 90% sure I haven brought those envelopes out (and even so the penalty pot placed with those envelopes have reduced in riches also) and I am semi creeped out and freaking annoyed because now I have to constantly ensure my room is properly barricaded and stuff. And having to bring my key to the bathroom is just
the worst. I am really money trouble on legs and its not comforting to remember that I just maxed out my shopping account (okay, actually I went way overboard).
That said, IF someone really did take my money, at least you left everything else for me.
Let me know when they find a cure for ridiculous carelessness.
Labels: ):, money
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/27/2010 01:11:00 AM
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Friday, November 26
Oh the words that weren't meant to be hurtful sting the most. But I'll like to think its not your fault cause you didnt mean it.
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/26/2010 12:00:00 AM
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Thursday, November 25
No more miserable all nighters for me I think/hope.
I NEARBY DECLARE THAT THIS HOLIDAYS I WILL :
1) win the trust of the parental units for use of the car
2) adopt a healthy lifestyle- both sleeping habits (by that I mean min 7 hrs, hopefully by 2 am, but no maximum and I dont care what some people have to say about it) and diet wise (anti-ckw pledge back on)
3) stop sloth-ing and start training up for sundown
4) change my bedsheets
5) fix the wrist and do something about the cyst
6) stop skipping church
I'm confident I'll definitely work on these goals more audaciously than I did for the exams. But the holidays feel strangely far away and kind of awkward. Or I could just be tired haha.
Labels: holiday, random
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/25/2010 11:31:00 PM
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Suddenly I feel like a want a partner before I graduate so someone will help me with my backpack on my grad trip.
hahah
Only 9 more hours to normality! Don't quite know to say "still got 9 hours" or "only got 9 hrs". Whatever the case, I almost cannot believe I'm making through the sem, my amygdala still bears the scars of all the pressure and trauma I experience before and during every TS 4ooo class. Its really all the grace of God I'm making it somewhat through, grades irregardless. Maybe I should save this post for 9 hrs later (:
Labels: NUS, random, theatre
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/25/2010 05:47:00 AM
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"I came to you hoping to be healed"
-Psychosis, Sarah Kane
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/25/2010 05:38:00 AM
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Monday, November 22
Even I can't stand how stupid I sound.
I dont need these thoughts crowding my brain 14 hours before my Shakespeare and Film but to a lot of things matter more than grades. Like life. And how I don't seem to do very well in it.
If you think I'm being melodramatic, I assure you I'm already being mild.
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/22/2010 10:29:00 PM
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Library with my ahgogo just makes me miss my US times even more, and makes me feel so dumb about how I didn't make every single second count. Which is really what I should be doing everyday I guess.
Its been almost a week and my wrist has worsen if anything because I've been slack with the icing and stuff. 4 more days and I will attend to it properly or something. But for now, I want some devils eggs and FRENCH ONION SOUP and some good pasta. I'm not so sure about the devils eggs and the fos, but I'm definitely getting myself some good pasta tomorrow, exams or not. Also, once I set my exams nicely aside, I am going to dig out all my 6 Harry Potter dvd's and watch them indulgently with my pajamas and bolster and air-con where no one but one is welcomed to join me. (:
Labels: love you, NUS
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/22/2010 04:11:00 AM
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I'm excited about later for seemingly no real reason at all.
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/22/2010 03:49:00 AM
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Sunday, November 21
我心中的怕
不知该怎么做才可以放下
I love my Chinese handwriting but I have had nothing to write in Chinese since those zhou wen times (which I really do not want to repeat) so I write chinese lyrics out sometimes like my secondary school days haha
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/21/2010 09:55:00 PM
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I find it hard to tell the truth that I think will hurt someone. But that's just a diversionary tactic isn't it? Because what happens then when everythings out in the open and on the brink? Is it my lack of moral courage that needs to be questioned here or my futile attempt at trying to be a nice person I just am not?
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/21/2010 09:23:00 PM
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Saturday, November 20
Is it just one big irony or one big joke or one big nothing at all?
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/20/2010 10:55:00 PM
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Its so nice this way somethings I wonder what I am dissatisfied with. (:
Could use a good meal now, a goodwood park tea would be nice.
And go away, you tinge of regret for something that has yet to occur.
Labels: random
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/20/2010 11:51:00 AM
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Thursday, November 18
The way some people take on a different identity depending on who they are interacting with can be annoying, frustrating and down right sad. Maybe its inevitable and maybe its not that they are somewhat a chameleon, maybe theres a whole hosts of reasons starting with they like this new identity a lot better than the old one. Or whatever really.
I used to hate ending anything with "whatever" but I've learnt that its not some times people would rather take on a lacklusture view of the world because when everything matters to you, you increase the opportunities of disappointment. So maybe you dont have to know everything, I mean its not like you can.
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/18/2010 11:12:00 PM
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Its one of those nights I wanna snuggle up in someone elses bed and talk about everything random and drink campbell soup and think about how we're all connected in the great circle of life. Its one of those night everything just feels so lonely yet warm.
And someone made tonight happy, or maybe its all in the head (:
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/18/2010 09:46:00 PM
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诚实的过了头
不能退后也无法向前走
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/18/2010 03:00:00 PM
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Its the people who care who oftentimes find themselves in a compromised position.
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/18/2010 02:20:00 PM
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Wednesday, November 17
We carry these things inside that no one else can seeThey hold us down like anchors, they drown us out at sea.
I dont know which is harder- to pretend you care about someone when you actually dont or pretending you don't when you do.
Also, I've always wondered what is the problem with saying "I don't care about (insert person's name)". I mean why not? Its a completely neutral team is it not? Its not like I'm saying "I want the worst for (insert person's name)". But somehow people seem to think that saying you don't care about X is akin to a self-declaration of how you are some sort of cruel being.
I'm feverish but happy. And what I want to do now is watch the Harry Potter movie and go out for some good potatoes fried with garlic and French Onion soup.
Labels: random, stargazing
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/17/2010 11:16:00 PM
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One of us is too blasé.
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/17/2010 05:47:00 PM
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Maybe its childish, and maybe its wrong. But so is your blank stare in lieu of this song.
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/17/2010 03:17:00 PM
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Tuesday, November 16
I spent half my class getting pissed off cause I thought the avant garde film was torturous and I hate it when people do weird stuff and try to spin off this whole tale making me wonder if I'm the imbecile here. I am overly harsh I know they put in a lot of time into making it. Call me lowbrow if you please, but art is subjective and I dont agree with that whole act stylized but actually just make it tinted and on double speed. If I had to watch a full length video (that 10 min clip felt like forever), I think I would cry (also partly cause I am kind of sickly and completely miserable from hunger).
Labels: everyday nonsense, theatre
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/16/2010 01:40:00 PM
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I'm having a stomachache (yet I'm STILL hungry), watery eyes, completely blocked/runny/painful from all the rubbing nose and I would kill from warm tauhuay and a hot water bottle now.
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/16/2010 08:06:00 AM
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You are my all in all.This all nighter business is not too cool.
How often do we stick by people because we want to and not because they want us to? To me, that makes all the difference in the world.
Labels: everyday nonsense, random
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/16/2010 05:53:00 AM
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Sunday, November 14
How can you tell someone to be herself in a way that doesn't hurt others?
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/14/2010 08:48:00 PM
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You know how you can be good friends with someone but you actually talk about her behind the persons back. I am trying to understand this whole concept with regards to myself.
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/14/2010 02:38:00 AM
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So play and pretend to keep me here.Had so much fun today. Its supposed to be non-competitive beach fun. I mean supposed but obviously some people still remain more competitive than others. It would have been nice if we won but it was still fun. And the bitching session after was possibly even more entertaining and I wonder if people actually think I'm just overwhelmingly overthetop. But whatever, I shall attempt to be the saint for the rest of the month to make up for tonight. And the point of this is that I'm really looking forward to 15s season (:
This entry is so simple and supificially happy, just the way I'm feeling now (:
Labels: rugby
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/14/2010 02:06:00 AM
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Friday, November 12
I came across this somewhat forgotten picture and I look so happy its making me happy (: I think if I had a child my life would be complete. Either that or I could land my dream job at unicef.
I had to pray to get out of bed today, I no longer seem to think I am capable to getting through the day on my own. Which is good and bad but I dont have sophisticated enough thoughts to explain that. But today was the feminist presentation (also coming out party) which I thought we were gonners again. But by some amazing grace (how sweet thy sound) I thought we pulled through pretty well for two people who were completely confused just 12 hours earlier.
It is a fallacy that all theatre studies can act, but as I have been in close interaction with my fellow TS students of late (something i have been avoiding for the past 3 years) I must say that some of them really can.
Labels: did you know?, theatre
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/12/2010 11:48:00 PM
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Thursday, November 11
It's at times like now I feel like I need my God to be around and I need his presence to calm me down before I erupt in an avalanche of vulgarities and hate myself for it later. It's not even like there's really something major to be upset over, but it's the small things. Like this sem
I've been praying before so many classes to ask Him to help me get through a class like since when does that even matter? And now im praying for a good project meeting and for my cyst to PLEASE stop pusing. It's so apt that "Still" just started playing.
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/11/2010 12:58:00 PM
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woahhhh, living on a prayer.
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/11/2010 02:40:00 AM
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For awhile, I thought you were a robot.
When she said that people change, the first thing that I thought was "not you" even though I hardly have evidence to support that claim.
Wah lao eh.
Wrist aching much/max/many/a lot. I'm using electrical tape to numb it now its sort of has a calming effect.
In a span of 3 days, I feel like my neighbour and I have gotton so much closer its really making me so much happier. And its small things like this that puts me in a general good mood.
I'm not very much a project group mate material. I'm more of a do what I think is right in the last hour or so kind of person.
Juni is possibly the best project
mate I could ever ask for in the TS department but our stalemate situation is kind of depressing me because apparently the other group is pulling out all the stops on their project. And why am I even talking about this.
What a roller coaster day really.
The peak being I finally passed my driving and it attribute it all to God's grace because within the first 2 min I though I was gone for sure and really wanted to burst out crying. And I even contemplated the fact that if i burst out crying will I gain some sympathy points (oh the irony here). And yes I am so elated that I no longer have to get lost at Kovan mrt (I still cannot navigate that stupid station and I am supposedly the mrt girl) even if the dim sum there is pretty good.
I feel that talking about some thing validify its existence. So sometimes (a lot of time actually), being the delusional queen that I am, I employ the don't talk it method.
Labels: driving, NUS, random
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/11/2010 01:07:00 AM
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Tuesday, November 9
“To move the world we must first move ourselves.”
-Socrates
Its like after I tweeted that today was one of the happiest day I had in school all sem (it actually still is), everything went downhill and I really really wanna pass my driving test tomorrow (I am going to pray for as long as I can later) but today's dismal practise was dismal and I'm no longer sure if I know how to park anymore. This is great. And I just killed my 2 weeks of wrist resting in one training. But its all okay because I'm going to sleep now and sleeping time is always perfect.
Some people have such good training attitudes its just really nice (:
Labels: everyday nonsense
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/09/2010 11:12:00 PM
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Cuddle weather!
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/09/2010 09:30:00 AM
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Monday, November 8
Fortunately or unfortunately, my worst module Performance Research is officially out of the way and I'm in a state of lull because I think I've officially worked hard enough today to deserve a good nights rest. I mean a presentation, a 5 hour class, a Shakespeare movie, an assignment and a lecture- I declare myself student of the day.
Yesterday I heard two of the saddest pieces of news in a long time.
Labels: NUS, random
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/08/2010 06:44:00 PM
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If we were all allowed to utter one line of anything we want without be judged to death for it, I wonder what would yours be.
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/08/2010 04:16:00 AM
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Sunday, November 7
Desy des (what an affectionate name for someone I hardly know) just came by with some interview questions for IHG while I was busy stuffing my face with cuttlefish (Note to self: too much unhealthy food the past week and too little exercise!).
And his first question stumped me into oblivion- "What does Eusoff mean to you?". I blabbered up some nonsense, but really Eusoff means so many different things to me through the years and I remember when I did EHOC and helped make the corporate video- with the exact same thread of question "What does Eusoff mean to you". I love Eusoff, and I am embarrassed to admit, but actually do sing the Eusoff anthem in the showers ever since they put that up. But its different now. Its no longer the I will watch every single IHG game and help my friends design random posters or that I will do anything the hall needs because of hall pride and such. Its more of a "I love this very convenient place to stay and how this whole community is cool with everyone being interested in their own life" (thats not very hall spirit is that?).
When I went for exchange, I was reluctant to go and eager to come back, citing one of the reason as IHG and hall life. But when I was there, I realized that IHG is only so engaging because of all the efforts I've invested the previous years, but actually, it didn't have to mean eveything to me. When I came back, and everything in hall has changed, I know that its really about the people I was with that made my hall life. And thats what Eusoff means to me - the people. But I couldnt bring myself to answer the question as such because there really arent many people this year who mean anything to me (especially since my getting to know everyone alive phase is long gone).
This year, with most that I was attached to gone, Eusoff really doesnt mean that much to me, especially with the cloud of smoke surrounding D block and the certain sports people who have the mental strength of marshmellows. I am still proud to be (so familiar now whose tagline is this?) and cannot imagine staying anywhere else but I no longer live in a sort of blind yellow bubble.
Labels: Eusoff
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/07/2010 10:18:00 PM
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I've seen your true colours, thats why I love you.
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/07/2010 09:15:00 PM
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Let me light up the skyAnd while its the thought that counts, I'm thinking of you haha.
Didn't feel like going for SCC 7s after 2 days of sleepy drone and failed visor plans. Then, I overslept for church. Following which I cancelled on Sharon because I didn't wanna go down all the way with my 50% presentation still on a clean slate. So all I want to do is lie on my bed and listen to the humming of the fan.
I spent my weekend reading The Carrie Diaries which is such a good read about nothing.
Labels: everyday nonsense
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/07/2010 06:13:00 PM
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Saturday, November 6
Like no one's words were good enough to define what we feared
And no one's words were strong enough to fix what happened here
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/06/2010 11:31:00 PM
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Friday, November 5
Now I'm done believing you.
Been on an overdrive but now that I'm on track with Glee maybe I should start my healthy lifestyle once more. Especially with the exams looming. Maybe that should be a cause for concern but if you know me, I measure my time with what comes after, so 3 more weeks to sleep in all day days. (:
Need to stop burning weekends as if I'm even on track with my week 1 readings.
NUS rugby training was oddly weird I can't put my finger to it, but this break is much needed.
Labels: NUS, rugby
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/05/2010 03:45:00 AM
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Thursday, November 4
I've never felt further, but it could be for the better (or whatever).
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/04/2010 06:02:00 PM
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I'm more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you think you gave to me
Today my incredibly complex mind dawdled on the topic of how it is impossible for anyone to really care for me but me. I'm not saying all my friends dont truly care, but even if they do, they cannot care for me the way only I can. I don't think anyone really knows how much pills I am popping every day (I must say the diclofenac is kind of working for me) or how today is possibly the 4th day in a row I have not have lunch. And a part of me is concerned but for the bigger part I'm really just disinterested (except for the gastric pains part which I 'solve' by just popping more pills) and I just got to thinking about how such possibly important life habits of mine goes unnoticed to so many. And how they probably can't help me out and possibly even not care. This is really just a lament and not a call for you to ask me how I am because I am also in full awareness of how I probably am ignorant to so many things thats happening in your life (unless you tweet obsessively like certain so & sos). But I still do love you, and welcome you to tell me anything, anything at all.
Because for people I care about, its not what so much about what the person have to share, but more of the person per se. My caring heart overwhelms even me sometime, but I think its because we live in such an uncaring world that we don't think its acceptable to wear your heart on your sleeve anymore.
Also, is it now wrong that I want to hear from friends rather than to hear of them?
Labels: stargazing
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/04/2010 03:15:00 AM
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Wednesday, November 3
I cannot wait for the day I stop making excuses for you.
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/03/2010 12:50:00 AM
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Tuesday, November 2
Labels: did you know?
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/02/2010 03:08:00 AM
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Monday, November 1
你会发现 你会讶异
你是我最压抑最深处的秘密I was actually kind of reluctant about my Sunday of yesterday because I had to be so on the go but my friends and family are just angels and Weiyi is definitely wrong to say God doesn't love because I didn't go to church.
Training was kind of unexpectedly fun. Then I got so comfortable hanging out at Serena's after training with he funny bunnies just stuffing ourselves with junk food, gossiping and feeling like 16 again. But I was having such an annoying dull headache and was completely having an internal grumble session about having to drag myself and my big ass (and disproportionately heavy) bag to vivo to hang out with Bella, Hannah, Aileen, Kaihui and Grace. I'm definitely glad I did because they make me so happy- who else will take such good care of me and fill me with enough love to last the entire week? Came back to a nice big stack of folded clothes thanks to xy that was completely unexpected and a nice talk with Posie on her ahpek chair and she is so honest and brave and funny; shes definitely one of the top lists of people I like from the bottom of my heart.
Its just an overwhelming (in the most positive way ever) influx of love from and for everyone thats making my night. (: I guess God has his ways of filling me up with so much love to carry me through the upcoming trying week. ((:
Labels: love you, YOU (:
Mamihlapinatapei : 11/01/2010 02:29:00 AM
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I came across this somewhat forgotten picture and I look so happy its making me happy (: I think if I had a child my life would be complete. Either that or I could land my dream job at unicef.