Tuesday, May 31
I think it is pretty easy to tell when a smile doesn't reach the eyes. The thing is that mostly people don't care enough to pay attention.
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/31/2011 12:59:00 PM
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This is totally random but two of my favourite people to work with on a rugby field is Phin and Eunice. (:
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/31/2011 03:32:00 AM
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Monday, May 30
能不能把我的願望還給我？
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/30/2011 12:32:00 AM
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Friday, May 27
Peace ceased to be permanent since I'm-not-telling-you-when and I need to re-discover the times when I used to crack into smiles when no ones watching, creepy sounding as that may be.
I think the main reason why
its hard to leave the past and focus on the future is because unlike the tangible memories, a vague picture of glorious possibilities don't actually stir up much emotions in you. What someone said a week ago, would probably make me feel like shit for another few good weeks. The past affects my present in ways the future cannot as yet but I also firmly believe it is what we go through that makes us who we are - I place no value judgement as to if
thats a better thing though.
If they serve warm
cinnamon rolls on the cruise later, it might make me feel comforted. Strange as it may seem I probably need this get away, but the irrational part of me wants to climb right back into my unmade bed and wallow in my melancholy and
nua.
But I laughed, as I haven't laughed in some time, the
HAHAHA stomach ache cannot see where I'm going laugh with
Qiu yesterday and being bitchy suits me- not giving a shit if I offend the world (okay not exactly true, I would die if someone overheard our conversation).
Labels: holiday
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/27/2011 01:54:00 PM
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Oh let me live in the glory of your grace. (:
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/27/2011 12:10:00 AM
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Thursday, May 26
When do you proclaim something will never happen? No, it don't break even. Anyhows, the lion king was almost as good as I remembered and I have a sudden urge to join a touring theatre after graduation. I mean I just don't like to act, it doesn't mean I can't I'm sure you know. I hope I get to be a fish in the little mermaid.
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/26/2011 11:47:00 PM
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Wednesday, May 25
Glee just reminded me that I was once lucky enough to walk down the streets of Manhatten arm in arm with a person I loved.
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/25/2011 11:53:00 PM
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I used to apologize for telling lies, I now apologize for telling the truth.
Training was uncharacteristically fun, and I finally found it me to tell wing how I'm contemplating this to be my last season and it feels so... final, like its really happening. I don't think people realize that filling up a gap in the national team in full knowledge that I am unable to perform my role adequetly isn't really a comforting thought. We could talk about it, but I guess this season is what counts. Also, I also don't think people realize that saying I'm fast makes me feel stupid cause thats something I will never feel I am. (I AM NOT, even saying this here makes me feel paisae).
Kaihui and Aileen give me hope, have a safe trip loves (:
Labels: rugby
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/25/2011 11:18:00 PM
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Won't you sing me to sleep
We had fun as mtv kids laughing at maggie mee hair and AC inspired songs.
I think people act differently around different people but I also think that theres a difference between explore the different sides of oneself and being a complete fake.
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/25/2011 12:18:00 PM
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Tuesday, May 24
我感激你对我这样的坦白，但我给你的爱暂时收不回来 (this song will always remind me of BBE)
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/24/2011 05:43:00 PM
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Another reason why I should give up rugby is that the acupuncture is getting increasingly unbearable.
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/24/2011 12:49:00 PM
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About 1 year ago, a friend broke my heart (for lack of a better description) and I made the painful decision of unattaching myself to her and ceasing all emotional ties. All was well because no one outside your care zone can affect you very much. One year later, I'm walking the same path pre-fight, going the same places, listening to the same things, making the same craft. It different, she will never affect me the same way but because I don't expect, I'm constantly surprised (:
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/24/2011 11:09:00 AM
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Monday, May 23
Its like watching a scar form."In desperate love, we always invent the characters of our partners, demanding they be what we need of them, and then feeling devastated when they refuse to perform the role we created in the first place."
— Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)
I'm sorry I thought you were more than that.
Sometimes I feel like we have no rights to be disappointed in anyone but ourselves; but you don't give out rights for people to be disappointed in you, they just do.
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/23/2011 09:00:00 PM
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割舍得勉强
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/23/2011 10:47:00 AM
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( When I said "with nothing to prove and nothing to lose" I didn't mean it in rugby context. )
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/23/2011 10:46:00 AM
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A 3 day two night trip with 3 weeks worth of of strange to think about. A first for the national team and though I didnt do the 3 justice (despite what tabby said), I thought this was almost as best as I knew how. A love-hate relation with the trip and the trashing of a game and I don't have the composure to pursue logical contemplation as yet. Also, ironically enough the only person who asked me how was MY game (aside from simon but that's really his job) was meigiet. (: Come to think of it, i regret being so self absorbed and neglecting to ask how was hers. Definitely a surprise package especially when she said "since you're my roomie I'll teach you a trick" (I'm pretty sure it's not illegal haha.). Also the twin terrors made the trip 10x better. In a non teleological conclusion, I don't know if it's better to write off your trash talk as thoughtless 'fun' (for you) or take it as fully intentional. Hurtful eitherhows and it's time to call the stops.
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/23/2011 01:48:00 AM
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Thursday, May 19
Consider the odds, consider the obvious.
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/19/2011 12:23:00 AM
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Wednesday, May 18
Even the Berlin wall came down one day. I had many fragmented dreams that made sense senselessly. So if I love you enough to let you go, will you love me enough to come back? Maybe I should go London and buy a real cath kidson just to prove a point. Maybe India will be my next grad trip (though I'm not sure if this trip qualifies as one. but who's bothering with the technicalities?). What if the walls you built around you succeeded only in keeping you in? After all ships are safe in the harbor, but that's not what ships are built for. Then again, must we satisfy the purpose others deem our existence should be for? I'm still waiting patiently for my calling to become a baker.
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/18/2011 01:26:00 PM
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On the up side, at least I have a
pseudo plan (although it was never my intention to have one) and at least someone's there in name. (:
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/18/2011 03:09:00 AM
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10 days through Portugal and Spain. Alone. With no linguistic abilities. Hopefully unmugged/unpickpocketed. If I say I'm not scared I'm bluffing. Ditto about the game against hongkong on sat. Ditto about the credit card constantly bursting it's limits. Ditto about how you scare me.
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/18/2011 03:05:00 AM
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Tuesday, May 17
I know you think I live in the lap of luxury but I'm really stressed I almost had tears in my eyes (is can cry one lor) telling esther just the tip of the iceberg. Or could be because i hit my elbow on the edge of my table. (I dont deal with pain so well nowadays) And I still have yet to mold my mouthguard. This is how I think recently- fragmented, senseless and completely wired up. And of course you wouldn't notice.
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/17/2011 01:32:00 AM
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Monday, May 16
This could be the end of everything, so why don't we go somewhere only we know.
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/16/2011 05:27:00 PM
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Sometimes I wonder if I should stop keeping a diary, just in case in the event that I one day lose all my memories (I don't watch enough dramas, but somehow I imagine that this is a very possible situation), I can start my life on a completely clean slate.
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/16/2011 01:21:00 AM
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Sunday, May 15
And this is why the initial plan was to go alone- so I won't end up spending nights after nights hunting for a place that is cheap, convenient, non-dirty, private, don't have to share room, have own toilet, free wifi and room service and which basically does not exist.
I think I'm just impatient, I expect everyone to be contactable when I want to contact and I blame the illusion of connectivity for my overreliance. (I would like to end this post with: "Because at the end of the day, we are all alone" but thats just way too passive)
Don't get me wrong, I'm excited about Europe, theres just this tinge of 放不下.
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/15/2011 01:55:00 AM
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Friday, May 13
I think I got like mildly molested today and I dont know what to say except haha 'no big deal'?
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/13/2011 01:36:00 AM
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Thursday, May 12
It just has to storm when I specially woke up early to go swimming, after which I had to spend 45mins searching for my wallet and then pick the dress that makes my boobs look the biggest and an umbrella with a hole (WHAT ARE THE ODDS REALLY) and miss my bus by 10sec. Oh did I mention I managed to squeeze in an argument with my sister somewhere. (Sometimes i wonder what the shit she's thinking really and I'm only saying what the shit to be politically big sisterly correct.) I can't figure out if i am suay or is this series of crap perfectly normal. If I were to be really positive, it's barely 12 and the day is going to go all up from here. But what is really ringing in my head is: it's not even 12 I think I should stay on bed and hope nothing goes too wrong.
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/12/2011 11:57:00 AM
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Wednesday, May 11
And every single thing you ever did that bothered me, is (or will be) every single thing I miss.
- I wrote this for you.
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/11/2011 05:01:00 PM
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Tuesday, May 10
50 days in Europe- could be earlier if I get mugged or later if I get lost.
Even now I'm not entirely sure.
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/10/2011 12:13:00 AM
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Monday, May 9
忽然不想让你知道，在我心中，
你多重要。
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/09/2011 01:09:00 AM
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Sunday, May 8
I think it's intensely sweet how the moment I say I feel like eating cupcakes, @beautifulblank says "let's go eat cupcakes then", no questions asked. :))
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/08/2011 06:27:00 PM
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This was my team in 2009. 3 years later, I am still wearing the exact same boots model.
Labels: rugby
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/08/2011 04:47:00 PM
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Everytime I talk to my parents about rubgy I put myself on the verge of tears. Maybe it was the combined effect of the bad subway ad that just pushed me slightly over the edge.
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/08/2011 12:00:00 AM
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Saturday, May 7
Suddenly having second thoughts about my 2 mth Europe escapeda because firstly I am my parents biggest financial blackhole already and secondly, it seems so juvinelle to seek the path of escapism believing that
everything, everything will be alright when I come back.
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/07/2011 10:02:00 PM
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After a good 5 hours, I managed to stuff 1 year into 20 bags and 1 guitar. Its slightly
heart wrenching giving away my stuff (my favourite cute
ikea table that I've always wanted but only bought it when I came to hall due to the parental disapproval) or selling them cheaply (my printer went at $20 and I remember how happy I was when my dad first allowed me to buy a printer and it was white to match my Mac then). Its like all the memories and stories behind every article must come to pass. I can't imagine coming back and it just being a place to stay. I just bade
Minli goodnight (she stayed up and waited for me to pack and she means more to me than the entire D block) for what might be the last time, and
theres a ringing sort of sadness
thats rendering this 'empty' room too much to take.
So many people changed my hall life in so many ways, for both better and worse and I don't know if this will be the last time I look out and see the morning light draw on Eusoff, but this familiar sight that has accompanied many of my last minute essays is especially beautiful today.
Its not exactly a kind of sadness (or at least its not a kind of sadness that has nothing to do with you) its more of a reluctance.
Labels: ):, Eusoff
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/07/2011 06:14:00 AM
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Friday, May 6
I never fully appreciated batchmates until today (:
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/06/2011 01:43:00 AM
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Wednesday, May 4
Don't know enough to comment about any political strife thats going on now, but I need to echo Xiaxues call in MM Lee's defense. Don't give a shit as to who is more popular on facebook (that incidentally enough is part of my text for my exam on Friday) but I cannot believe some people place more faith in a 'pretty' face who has yet to have anything to show for her altruistic ambitions than MM Lee, who despite all his so-called monarchist reign, has proven his worth.
The PAP not good enough or other people deserving of a chance, fine. But we don't know if anyone could have done a better job than the PAP and MM Lee has already done, so stop talking like you do. You mean if the opposition was running the show Orchard Road won't flood issit? If you think the current Singapore isn't good enough for you, go right ahead and take the leap of faith- just please stop biting the hand that fed you (even if you do feel that you've been malnourished).
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/04/2011 01:46:00 AM
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Labels: love you
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/04/2011 12:33:00 AM
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Tuesday, May 3
Found my old phone while packing my room and a quick scan through the pictures and texts was enough to tell me how the people who was then so prominently featured in my life is no longer so. A tinge of sadness here and even more so when I consider the fact that the same will probably be true for most people around today. I still believe in forever, but past experiences can't be denied, we place most people who change our lives in so many ways in a little box labeled memory.
Pastor Price commented on the cynicism of the world and I fear that despite believing in a myriad of mystical good, I've allowed the world to turn me cynical (even if I would like to call it realistic).
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/03/2011 11:38:00 PM
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我知道 "我们" 和 "你们" 不能比较, 可是那不代表我就可以放手或忘掉。
我又不是故意傻傻笨笨的。
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/03/2011 09:40:00 PM
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不够
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/03/2011 12:15:00 PM
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That basically settles it.
Waiting for the sense of smell to please return so I might feel some sense of motivation to eat something and start some work. For now, I'm indulging in a strong smell of sleep and The Clay Marble.
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/03/2011 11:05:00 AM
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Sunday, May 1
"I just got really hurt. And sometimes when that happens, something inside just shuts off."
-Fever Pitch
I think its time for you to lay off- I'll hate to see you go.
Mamihlapinatapei : 5/01/2011 01:37:00 AM
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Won't you sing me to sleep
This was my team in 2009. 3 years later, I am still wearing the exact same boots model. 
Found my old phone while packing my room and a quick scan through the pictures and texts was enough to tell me how the people who was then so prominently featured in my life is no longer so. A tinge of sadness here and even more so when I consider the fact that the same will probably be true for most people around today. I still believe in forever, but past experiences can't be denied, we place most people who change our lives in so many ways in a little box labeled memory.