Tuesday, August 31
"Lovers, keep on the path you’re on—runners, until the race is run. Soldiers, you’ve got to soldier on. Sometimes even the right is wrong."- Lovers In Japan/Reign of Love (Coldplay)
Labels: random
Mamihlapinatapei : 8/31/2010 02:47:00 AM
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有人走的匆忙 有人愛的甜美 誰會在意擦肩而過的心碎 ?
Took a nap after class today and Kaihui came in and slept beside me (I barely knew) and used my computer and woke me up for my handball game. Its really such simple things I used to take so for granted. Its not like I dawdle in the past, I'm pretty optimistic about the future with my neighbour with the "i'm serious but sometimes i can be quite funny face" (Farmer Jia, 2010). I really do think we will get along seeing how both our rooms are in contention for the messiest room award and how we refuse to admit muddy clothes into our room and put them at the shoe area.
Labels: Hall
Mamihlapinatapei : 8/31/2010 02:22:00 AM
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Monday, August 30
Mamihlapinatapei : 8/30/2010 02:20:00 AM
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Sunday, August 29
There are some people you want to meet everyday, some people you don't mind meeting everyday and some people you just don't want to meet everyday.
Mamihlapinatapei : 8/29/2010 03:08:00 AM
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Friday, August 27
Dear Silly Sylvia,
Sorry I don't know how to comment so I'm leaving you a note here, but anyway, I'm so tired, your entry made me kindda tear (or maybe it was that extremely gross picture) and I love you very much even though I probably have know you for a shorter time than I have know my cyst. Night time LKRD buddies ftw (I AM SO TIRED I AM USING THE FTW THING :/). Cure your itches, thumbs, knee and beehoon allergy because I'm still waiting for you to teach me the commit and pass and go for late night jogs/walks in the dark and I will show you how what I do to feel infinite.
Love, Van
Labels: love you
Mamihlapinatapei : 8/27/2010 04:49:00 AM
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I am very happy and very loved even as I struggle to plow through readings for tomorrows seminar class. My tired friends came over, people msged and fb texted and called and stuff so I guess I'm really not as forgotten as I think I am.
And this is my smelly Kaihui, the two of us dirty on the floor munching happily, exactly the way hall is meant to be. I don't even mind not sleeping so much tonight (since I have no plans after munchy monkies, so I guess I could nap!).
But well, I feel somewhat shitty when my dad called (I was completely expecting a dressing down) to wish me happy birthday (on the wrong day, but better than nothing) and then told me my mum got into a car accident. Everyones safe and stuff, but it just makes me feel bad. :( I honestly don't know what to make of my daughtership.
Labels: love you
Mamihlapinatapei : 8/27/2010 04:19:00 AM
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Thursday, August 26
Being angry with my mum really makes my life miserable because I'm angry and sad yet I dont want her to be sad yet it is inevitable that she is probably sad and angry with me and hence that makes me feel even worse. Also, every time I shout at her it makes me feel even worse then her shouting at me.
But the baking tray will probably haunt me for a long time to come, as with the cancelled birthday lunch.
Because of funky (or was it punky?) seahorse, belle, qiu, syl and many other caring friends (I'm sure you're secretly caring just that I dont know yet) I am chasing my gloom cloud away starting today. Technically I'm not gloomy cause I'm really upset over something substantial. But alls been shouted and cried over so I'm leaving it as that until the next time I have to go home (I dont know how I'm going to manage that as of now) or till my dad calls (round 3, start).
Labels: home
Mamihlapinatapei : 8/26/2010 03:35:00 AM
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Wednesday, August 25
So we're just waiting to see who blows up first I guess.
Yesterday I thought today will be the best day of the week and the moment I woke up, it already was the worst. Somethings make you so angry in the saddest of ways.
Labels: home
Mamihlapinatapei : 8/25/2010 03:19:00 PM
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也许我太过天真,以为奇迹会发生I used to take a free day so for granted. In year 1 I had a 3 day week the entire year and i had a 4 day weekend. Then I got so bored (cause anyway I had to stay in school for this and that) I actually deliberately planned a 4 day week. I mean its not like I actually study during my free days, so I thought I would force myself into study days instead. (But obviously that was a flop, I'm resigned to the fact that I am a last minute
studyer.)
Yah so free days were always good, but nothing much to cheer out loud about.
Until this semester. I have one free day on Wednesday and I can't tell you how it is saving my life cause otherwise I will literally have to drag my sorry ass and a big rain cloud over my head to school this whole week.
But no! Now I'm comfy and clean (though I'm sure I have mud residues on me. I shall just pretend I
dont know) and my peace with the world feeling is coming back,
hip hip hooray!
School never used to make me feel this
inadequate and worried and I think I need a reality check and realize that I actually have to study the way a student should. I know this is totally in my responsibility scope and I hold no rights to whine about it, and I'm not
whining really. Its just a sudden realization as I
struggle through classes with annoying PHD candidates and classmates that seem to be out in full force to secure all 20% of class participation so much so that they refuse to keep quiet even during breaks. Thankfully, my
soci mods, aside from being boring, are not ailing me as much.
And this is why I CANNOT exist in the theatre sphere as much as I quite enjoy this discipline- I'm not a go getter, and in the TS pool of dedicated, over-pushy, aggressive, lupine drama queens, I might as well sit by the sides (which I'm
kindda doing now).
My bad mood from yesterday carried over to today for no apparent reason and I completely did not want to play the friendly just because I was moody. And yes, I am extremely ashamed of myself for my
unprofessionalism. So I told
sylvia (my lower krdrive treasure and exorciser of bad nights) cause she caught me at the right moment and I guess it
kindda shocked her as well (don't worry my bad attitude took me by surprise too). It turned out fine I
prolly levelled up with my game as a center and I thought I
didnt do too badly (aside from it being the first time I subbed myself out, but that was because I was
kindda dizzy from taking a knee to my head. But i know under usual situations I
wouldnt have done that. So I still feel ashamed. Oh well)
So anyway I sincerely hope this moody spell passes by soon. Contact is such a joy in my life I cannot imagine if I keep feeling this way about training.
Oh and so I asked myself the question on why I wanna play rugby despite 1) currently being the most battered I've been after a game 2) the grass itch and cuts are annoying me and I pledge to stop being vain/lazy and wear long socks 3) headaches I get from tying my hair too tight (But I dont think I can bring myself to wear a scrumcap:/). And really I just love the people and the sport and the feeling of a successful ball rip off the opponent. :)
(By the way syl, I actually have 1 and a 1/2 more years to go. FYI. :))
Labels: NUS, rugby
Mamihlapinatapei : 8/25/2010 12:41:00 AM
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Tuesday, August 24
我知道我们都没有错, 只是放手会比较好过
Mamihlapinatapei : 8/24/2010 03:18:00 AM
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So many things wearing me down. I don't know if its the norm or its just me but I'm not too comfortable with this whole being on honours student in a class of phd smarty pants and not doing my readings on time (since when did I start caring right) and going to class and feeling like crap and waking out at 10 for my 10am class and feeling like afternoon naps all the time and thinking I've watched the show I'm supposed to watch for class tomorrow only to realize I haven and hence need to wake at 730 am tomorrow. Actually I think all my misery revolves around sleep. I have this idea to skip contact tomorrow because theres this feeling of uneasy spinning with increasing mass and magnitude in my stomach.
I just want to curl up and feel like its okay to feel this way.
After one of the shittest day in school yesterday, I went out with Qiaozhi whom agreed (much to my surprise) to go to the YOG hb game with me and that made my whole life seem awesome again.
Friends should be supportive and nonjudgemental, and I am. But I also only want the best for you, so I guess I was somewhat upset in a "because I love you" way- I'm sorry.
Labels: everyday nonsense, love you, random
Mamihlapinatapei : 8/24/2010 12:28:00 AM
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Monday, August 23
I wish I went for service today. I miss You, Jesus.
Labels: YOU (:
Mamihlapinatapei : 8/23/2010 03:31:00 AM
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Its hard, I know, but oh one things for sure.
Its the whole listening to NDP songs and watching YOG adverts that really makes me want to support this little nation of mine. (:
So much work, so little determination.
Labels: NUS, random
Mamihlapinatapei : 8/23/2010 02:52:00 AM
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Sunday, August 22
I dislike it that I think you're acting this way because you feel like you owe me something. And I dislike this situation even more because as much as I know you don't, I feel like you do.
Maybe I need to remove the whole emotional part of my brain.
Mamihlapinatapei : 8/22/2010 02:33:00 AM
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I guess trying to be nice and being hypocritical isn't too far apart.
The Korean Handball team was such a pretty sight to watch. Singapore's number 9, Vinoth, killed me though.
Labels: handball, stargazing
Mamihlapinatapei : 8/22/2010 01:45:00 AM
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Saturday, August 21
I try not to judge myself through anyone else's eyes. So why is it I've been feeling like I'm weird of late? Haha, not a moment of emo, I can't really help it if I am anyways.
Had a great night with monopoly deal and chena ah lian songs. Can't help missing the times when I would nua on Aileen Tan's bed and sing ktv with her and Hannah Cheong with pens and highlighters as our mikes. (:
Labels: (;, Eusoff, random
Mamihlapinatapei : 8/21/2010 02:38:00 AM
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Friday, August 20
"I am a man's creation as you see,/ And what men want is what I want to be"
- Cloud Nine (Caryl Churchill)
Mamihlapinatapei : 8/20/2010 05:24:00 AM
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Everytime I kill an insect (like I just did) I think of how Christabelle cups her insects out of her room. Just like like everytime I hear this song, I'll think of you.
Mamihlapinatapei : 8/20/2010 04:48:00 AM
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" So this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I am still figuring out how that could be"The Perks of Being a Wallflower
You know how some people sleep their upsetness away? I'm upset because I can't sleep (because I am up to my neck in the backlash of shit- pun fully intended). Is that quite the same?
Will be running on a short fuse again tomorrow, but it was a small price to pay to have one day of hall back again. Hall dinner with block mates, IBG, htht in floor of my room, going behind, and above all, my little smelly Kaihui. :)
Labels: :(, Eusoff, NUS, random
Mamihlapinatapei : 8/20/2010 03:47:00 AM
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Thursday, August 19
I ♥ the NUS Rugby girls more and more and there were so many highs on our trip it was too awesome :D
Bangkok tour with NUS Rugby was awesome stuff and completely worth the bout of diarrhea, sore throat, cough, emails, tons of level 4000 work and a load of stuff to unpack. (: I'm kidda amazed and grateful and happy and surprised, mostly in a good way hahaha.
But I'm so overwhelmed I still dont dare open up my NUS email and don't know where I should start working on or whining about. I'm at the point where I think I need to stay in my room, shut out to the world, for the next 4 days at least to clear up this mess. No I'm not exaggerating.
Labels: everyday nonsense, NUS, rugby
Mamihlapinatapei : 8/19/2010 03:45:00 AM
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Thursday, August 12
Today will go down as another great day filled with nothing in particular.
Netball with blacks was fun. Maybe I'm more cut out for recce games, the sort you play have fun and forget about it. Playing competitive anything always makes me feel like I'm not adequate.
I wish I am good enough player for everyone but the truth is I'm struggling to play my own game sometimes.
Hall was too hot to be true the past 2 nights and I'm giving myself 1 week to adapt before I will seriously consider if I should move home for good. I really hope it wont come to that but the past two nights was terrible. I dont even mind sleeping on the floor, but even there I was still sweating. I'm not being a princess or a spoilt kid because its really out of my control that my body refuses to sleep. I wonder if its just me sometimes.
Labels: everyday nonsense, rugby
Mamihlapinatapei : 8/12/2010 03:58:00 AM
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Tuesday, August 10
Okay so I had my first cry in my new room. Don't ask me why because on top of not knowing exactly why, I wont tell you the truth anyways.
Mamihlapinatapei : 8/10/2010 02:39:00 AM
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“We can’t all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.”Moved my pillow and bolster back to hall today and its really hitting me how I'm finally really moving out of home and back into hall. I'm not upset about that, actually with or without my old pallies, I'm still glad to have my own space and the joy of not having to take public transport to school will overcome any other uncertainties (ie possible hall dinners alone)
Okay yes I am being dramatic here- I still have friends and good neighbours-friends-to-be and its such a small world cause Weishan is actually staying opposite me and her friends actually invited me to join in (which i chocked back a reply, completely uncool).
Well, I guess what I'm saying is that I'm going to be happier if only I would stop keeping my door shut to the world. It just feels weird that I have no one to ask to make sure that I wake up at 830. The good news is that I can now wake up myself (a task that was once impossible) but the bad news is that I guess I took people waking me up as so much for granted.
Or maybe I just miss you.
Okay yes, tomorrow will be a great day with Shakespeare and Film my first level 4000 module with my Ahgogo and all this will come to pass.
Labels: Eusoff, NUS
Mamihlapinatapei : 8/10/2010 01:59:00 AM
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Its amazing how suddenly its so difficult to just say "goodnight".
Mamihlapinatapei : 8/10/2010 01:41:00 AM
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Monday, August 9
Maybe I can say this tomorrow.
Labels: stargazing
Mamihlapinatapei : 8/09/2010 01:30:00 AM
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Sunday, August 8
It's yet to be determined,
but the air is thick,
and my hope is feeling worn.
I'm missing home,
and I'm glad you're not a part of this,
there's parts of me that will be missed.
And the phone is always dead to me,
so I can't tell you the temperature is dropping
and it feels like.
Mamihlapinatapei : 8/08/2010 02:18:00 AM
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Saturday, August 7
我的以为只是我以为
For the first time ever, I told someone about the relationship I have with my family, even though I completely didnt deserve to. I never felt like anyone would believe that despite so much love we have for each other, there are problems we just can't overcome. I would like to say "overcome yet" but as the years go, I'm starting to realize that hoping for something better is my way of escaping from reality.
But isnt that what we do for so many things?
Its the feeling of 4 years ago all over again. The crap feelings that sometimes love just may not be enough in lieu of how we are such different people. Its never been an issue for me. But I guess just because I want you in my life is no reason why you should want me in yours.
Anyways, I had the best Rag in my entire 4 years of NUS ( I dont consider when I was arm twisted to go to the Padang in year 1 an experience because I ended up in city link mall for about 4 out of 5 hours).
Initially I wasn't all that enthusiastic to go even though there was a few people I would like to watch cause its the whole I don't know how to feel part of the hall anymore and who shall I go with hmmm feeling. But I'm glad it all worked out and I'm not the only old Eusoff foggie around. So good company, good performances, blue and orange lightsticks, free little NUS lion, and free coke- what was there not to love!
This picture is completely reflective of how my Bbe is all too funny, I am all too entertained and Yilin is all too calm (:
Labels: Eusoff, NUS, stargazing
Mamihlapinatapei : 8/07/2010 05:09:00 AM
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Thursday, August 5
But they fought with expert timing
Rugby friendlies two days in a row is taking a toll on my back. Had a long talk with Sylvia and theres so much to be learnt and understood about the game and the people and that whats really keeps the ball moving.
Labels: rugby
Mamihlapinatapei : 8/05/2010 04:06:00 AM
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Tuesday, August 3
Mamihlapinatapei : 8/03/2010 12:42:00 AM
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This picture is completely reflective of how my Bbe is all too funny, I am all too entertained and Yilin is all too calm (: 